HEHE...that tickles
Just when we thought that Matt Stafford couldn't get any douche-ier, he proves us all wrong by signing on as a spokesman for AXE Hair Gel.
Claiming that I, too, can get "hair action" (whatever the hell that is) by rubbing some goop through my mane, Stafford rolls through a drive thru in a baby blue convertible while he's hair-molested.
Stafford's monotone, personality-less demeanor is awe inspiring to say the least as he has that whole "I'm better than you and I know it" attitude nailed.
Whether Stafford's prowling the streets of his old stomping grounds (otherwise known as downtown Athens, Ga.) while rocking a flat-billed, lime green Atlanta Braves cap or he's sipping on a mixed drink at one the city's hush-hush under-21 bars, his douche-essence is undeniable.
The whispers of "Look it's Matt Stafford," are constantly followed by the much more appropriate murmurs of, "What an asshole."
Sure, there's a slight bit of envy lying beneath the surface of those comments but when all of the eighteen and nineteen year-old girls are saying them too, it's hard to deny their merit.
Anyway, back to the point.
Stafford, the now multi-million dollar man, was never shy about his intentions with the lady folk during his three-year reign here in Athens but one has to wonder how successful his endeavors were when he's selling the promise of "hair action" to thousands of eager males instead of that other kind of action men are usually more interested in.
Look, I love Matt Stafford.
I love his zero SEC Championship Game appearances and overall "nothing to show for" collegiate career.
I love his epic failure to meet expectations that accompanied his recruitment to the University of Georgia.
I even love his ability to hoist empty kegs over his head while tailgating for a NASCAR race.
I mean, who wouldn't?
But the one thing I love about Matt Stafford more than anything is his overall douche aroma that emits from that fat-faced dome of his and the sudden insatiable need that I have to run my hands through those luscious, douche bag hair follicles.