I believe that this is a practical world and that I can count only on what I earn. Therefore, cash rules everything around me, C.R.E.A.M. get the money, dollar dollar bill y’all.

I believe that having to compete for recruits in the same state as Nick Saban entitles you to do whatever you gotta do.

I believe that if you don’t get caught for it, it didn’t happen.

I believe that Cecil Newton never got a dime from anyone, that Cam Newton never had the slightest idea what his dad was doing, and that both of them are purer than Mother Teresa and the driven snow put together, and I believe in winking every time I say that out loud.

I believe that snitches get stitches, and end up in ditches.

I believe in the human touch, especially the $200,000 handshake.

I believe this is all somehow Dan Mullen’s fault, or Saban’s, or Urban Meyer’s, or, hell, maybe all three of them working together, PAWWWLLLLLL.

And because Auburn men and women believe in these things, the rest of the country believes in the Oregon Ducks.