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WHAT YOU HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO: TWO HOURS OF INSANITY

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The offseason hasn't started, but if you're wondering what the vast silences of the weekend awaiting you are, the answer is: the long, boring lull between bowl games. The only thing waiting is the Heisman Trophy ceremony, where you may watch [RUNNING BACK or WR or QB] from [SCHOOL IN THE TOP 5] with [GLOSSY STATS] competing for the most vaguely defined major award in sports. Johnnie Rodgers might wear a flashy suit, Paul Hornung might throw up on Chris Fowler, and a Jason White might tear his eighth ACL standing up to applaud. Besides that, you've got only one thing to look forward to this weekend.

Saturday, 9 p.m., ESPN: THE U debuts, and it will be epic, a two hour tribute/expose/epic to/about the University of Miami's rise to power in the '80s. If you have no video or are at work, the best quote from the clip above follows courtesy of Steve Walsh.

I saw some prominent players. They had greys on and stocking caps on. I said "What are you doing?" And they said, "We're going out to get car stereos."

We're live-blogging it with a smoke machine at full blast on in the background and wearing a ski-mask in honor of the swaggery demons who haunted our childhood football dreams. Join us at 9:00 p.m. on Saturday for a liveblog, because Miami + the 80s + Michael Irvin = greatness in 360 degrees.