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INTELLIGENCE REPORT, WEEK NINE

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--Ron Franklin will miss the weekend for the third straight year of "let's have Ron Franklin's golden pipes adorn the crappiest game we can find for this endlessly punished man to call."

--The weather for USC/Oregon will be in the high forties with clear skies for the 5 pm kickoff. Key injuries include TE Anthony McCoy for USC and a crushed Autzen Stadium support beam that LeGarrette Blount said "looked sassy at him."

--Florida should get Brandon Spikes back from a groin injury for the Coke Orgy. Georgia will not sit offensive lineman Vince Vance for his arrest for driving without a license because, seriously, it's the Cocktail Party and it's a driving offense. 85 degrees for the high, chance of rain with a 70% chance of aerosolized alcohol clouds intoxicating bystanders randomly. Be advised.

--Mmm. 40 in Iowa at gametime and Paki O'Meara MERELY ONE SMALL BRANDON WEGHER INJURY AWAY FROM GREATNESS. Pakibomb Pakibomb Pakibomb.

--Because they're playing indoors, conditions at the Carrier Dome in Syracuse for Cincy/Syracuse will be as they always are: dry, because the tears have run out, and appropriately lukewarm. Tony Pike is unlikely to play, but be not concerned, Cincy fans and those rooting for them in the name of anarchy, because see: Syracuse.

--We have no weather information for Stillwater, OK due to T. Boone Pickens outright purchase of the weather there. He holds all rights and will disclose the details of its status as he sees fit. OSU RB Kendall Hunter is looking to get 8-10 carries in the game. In coachspeak, multiply that times two for an approximate and realistic number, or divide by two. Either is possible.