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Oh, muse, find our hands... We're typing this in a hotel room in Las Vegas with a splitting headache, the lights off, and surrounded by drunk men passed out on the hotel floor. (The Donna Shalala Story: Chapter Eight, "Roulette Nights.") We need some inspiration, something to keep us moving, hoping, something to make us not stop believing, and hold on to tha--


Ah, so much better. Todd Reesing, you make us want to live the way Americans should: covered in old glory, bargain denim, and puppies.

Best play on 3rd and 11: the old "75 yard scramble" play. Tony Pike left the Cincy/USF game with a sprained wrist in the third quarter, but that's fine because Zach Collaros came in and ran his specialty play, the 75 yard quarterback draw. USF imploded, which they tend to do, allowing Cincy to score two second half TDs as the Bearcats looked tidily confident in a 34-17 victory over the Bulls. BJ Daniels really, reaaaaallllllly likes the ball, so much so he'll caress it, dance with it, and bob and weave in the pocket for days before doing something with it, or getting sacked four times and throwing two interceptions. Look at the Jamarcus Russell FUTBAL MAID EZ pamphlet made for him by Jimbo Fisher for simple rule of quarterbacking competence: YOU TAKE CARE OF COOKIE COOKIE TAKE CARE OF YOU BUT NOT EET COOKIE BECAUSE COOKIE IZ REELY FUTBAL.

They'll amputate, he'll play. Pike did sprain his left wrist in the 3rd, the wrist on the same arm he broke last season and still played on with little to no apparent effects. The wrist is a bit different in terms of snap handling, etc, but with a bye week coming up, he should be fine. Yes, we know Louisville is on the schedule. With the bye week coming up, he should be fine.

Ha. HA. HAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAA. This is wonderful, even if it gives Jonathan Crompton's father another excuse to berate a stranger on the street about his son's doubted greatness, rant, and then get thrown out of a convenience store for demanding the taquito roller recognize Crompton's imminent ten year reign in the NFL.

"Bowl eligible, bitches!" in spray paint all over your ass. Oh, yeah. Among the biggest surprises: the Vandals are bowl eligible on October 17th with a win, baby. If they would only allow their mascot to tag fans with a can of krylon each time they score, then they'd be unstoppable.