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castingcouch#22 Michigan at Michigan State

Holly: Rich Rodriguez IS White Goodman IN Dodgeball. Say, did you know Sparty's chestplate contains actual kevlar? Nice moves, although it won't save them. RichRod is a smug, entitled bastard, but shoo-law does he have a lot of projectiles in his smug, entitled arsenal. Sometimes the lovable losers win, and sometimes they get their front teeth broken at the gym. (And sometimes the losers ain't all that lovable. Dantonio, you never call.)

Orson: Michigan State IS Khan IN Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan. Khan had to have a "XX Years XXX Days XX Hours" clock in his bunker on Ceti Alpha V. You know this to be true, just as you know we could have just as easily cast Dantonio as the flower pot falling from the sky in Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, the reincarnated object killed again and again by Arthur Dent's unending carelessness. Khan, though, has the right ring in terms of attitude. Michigan State is all effort and survival, but ultimately the lack of experience in three-dimensional combat that Rich Rodriguez's offense has will doom the Spartans (though like the Enterprise in the film, Michigan will suffer significant damage due to lack of shields.)

Clemson @ Maryland

Orson: Maryland IS Mickey Rourke IN The Wrestler. The last chance we're giving Maryland to prove it is not just a old broken down piece of meat whose best days are behind them. Unfortunately, the comeback has to happen against Clemson, who isn't exactly Jon Cena in his prime, but who is certainly at least a Dolph Ziggler unwilling to take the dive for an aging former star working on replacement parts. Maryland is giving up 38 points a game, and the chances they have someone who can keep up with Jacoby Ford and CJ Spller are exactly hell now in neverleven.

Holly: Ralph Friedgen IS Jason IN Jason X: The One Where He's In Space And Shit. Mother of god, Maryland just will not die.

1-3? Losses to Middle Tennessee and Rutgers? Whatever. They'll knock off opponents better than them at e-ver-y-thing (Clemson and Wake), lose to the walking dead (Virginia and Duke), and win eight games. Somehow. Just you watch.

#3 Alabama @ Kentucky

Holly: Nick Saban IS The Joker IN The Dark Knight. Anybody wanna see a magic trick?