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CURIOUS INDEX, 9/17/09

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OHHHHHH, MYYYYY. Brandon James, now in his eighth year of eligibility, will still be returning punts for the Florida Gators in the spare time he has when not playing the part of fraternity house midget in Oxford, Mississippi. His knees come with standard blocker evaporation generators and side mirrors for total field vision. Here's the demo video. (Warning: Brandon James is a professional breaker off of fools, bustas, and Volunteers. This may seem redundant, and is, but it's really fun to say.)

Crompton and Jones get along fine for an inept quarterback and gifted receiver pair. There is no "spat" between Gerald Jones and Jonathan Crompton. There is simply "spit," as in "Jonathan Crompton spits daily on any chance I have of making draft money by throwing to the third row on sideline patterns." See? They're both clear on the arrangement.

Perhaps you don't find brain trauma as funny as we do. Gary Busey, Dan Hawkins. Barking Carnival puts the two in a sweat lodge with some peyote and lets the magic happen.

Busey: Bring Tammy to Greeley, Colorado. Cover him in bear grease. Offer him a protractor, a Judy Blume book, and a wolfskin. Set him loose. Six days. I will hunt him with a bolo and a war pony. If he survives, he goes to the next level

How easily this could be real is testimony to how completely screwed Hawkins is right now at Colorado.

Gossipy, sundress-wearing, donut chomping churchy maven-bitch. It's more fun to imagine Phil Fulmer as the fan-waving 300 pound gossip queen than as a grizzled former head coach, if only because that's how he comes off on the page, especially when he's taking the high road by taking what can best be described as the middle road, which is located several feet below aforementioned high road. To those now off Fulmer's Christmas card list: we'll sub his usual "slice of cheesecake slammed into an envelope and sent through the US Mail" and send you one if your year won't be complete without one. Send addresses.

A completely outside opinion. No, seriously, some people who don't completely want to set the other side on fire are writing about the UT game, too.