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Your girlfriend catches you alone with another woman. There's reasons for this to happen: you're helping her with a difficult bit of calculus, or maybe comforting her after a relative died, or perhaps you're having sex with her. They're all on the table, really, except for the sex, which could happen on the floor, sofa, or for the especially adventurous, in the specially constructed chair you've been working on in the basement for weeks. (Semi-SFW, if your boss doesn't mind dildo-chair references.)

Anyway, she catches you, and she claims you roughed her up after confronting you. And the police report reads as follows:

Witnesses told police they heard yelling at these dorms, but no one witnessed any abuse.

The police report said, in regards to the victim, "I asked if she had any marks, bruising, swelling or soreness and she said that her face was red. I checked where she indicated and could not detect any redness."

Friends of the couple who didn't want to go on camera said it comes down to his word against hers.

Now, the little prudence we have suggests we say that if you had just been caught in a compromising position with another woman that the last thing you would do would be to slap the wronged woman around. But people are squirrelly, irrational creatures, and New Mexico's Andre McQueen could have done this. Then again, she could be making it up, and now we're all getting a taste of the fun a prosecutor has trying to figure out what to do with a case like this.

Our task is a bit simpler: two points for UNM for "assault against a household member," a compromise charge since we don't know if it's a felony or a misdemeanor, and will split the difference for the moment.