Oh, there's so much to do around here in the offseason. We could go outside...no, wait, outside sucks. Not as much as it sucks for you sad, bunker-dwelling Midwesterners, who for some reason decide to live in the middle of the fucking continent where nothing is and where the temperature dives to inhuman temperatures with a negative sign in front of them. Masochism lives, and its address is probably somewhere with IA or SD behind it.
Still, it shouldn't ever be below freezing in Atlanta. That's not part of the contract, which specifies all the other bad shit about living here. Which, specifically, is only one thing, really:
Tardbillies Keeping Us From Buying Alcohol on Sundays. You know what? God doesn't give a shit whether you buy you booze in a grocery store on in a restaurant on Sundays. In fact, he'd probably prefer if we didn't have to get in a car, drive to the bar, cloud our judgment, and then have three more drinks before getting in the car. You can get booze on Sundays IN ALABAMA FOR HELL'S SAKE. If Alabama has a more sound policy on anything than your state, consider disbanding into a series of independent city-states immediately.
Yet my jacknoramus governor--who actually chooses to call himself Sonny as an adult man--claims this would endanger lives. Fuck you, Sonny, and fuck that ignoramus old biddy trembling in her sunbonnet in some dingy church worried that Crazy Old Testament God will bring his thunder down on Georgia if we can buy a bottle of cheap Aussie Shiraz on Sundays and drink it with my family. And if we're going to spend time with our family, WE GON HAFTA DRANK, Sonny. You want family values? Let us nip down to the liquor store to make ourselves pleasant for company. Believe us, it's better for all concerned. God knows this, right God?
YES ATTENTION QUIVERING TARDBILLIES OF GEORGIA PLEASE LET ATLANTA CONTINUE TO BRING LIFE AND MONEY AND INTERESTING THINGS TO YOUR WORLD BY ALLOWING THEM TO BUY ALCOHOL WHENEVER THEY LIKE. ALSO, IF YOU WANT CONVENTIONEERS TO COME BACK, YOU SHOULD BRING BACK 24 HOUR CLUBS. PEOPLE LIKE BOOZE AND WHORES. THEY'RE GOOD FOR BUSINESS. GOD, OUT.
See? Even God wants that to happen. He might be willing to kill your firstborn to make it happen, Georgia! Or maybe not. You'll never know, but why risk it? He's done it before, and he might do it again if you don't let us purchase a case of PBR on Sundays like the pansy failed hipsters we are.