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Gold Frontz for headlights, but you only see the license plate. 17 carries, 207 yards, 12.2 yards a carry, and one TD. Against Auburn last night, Noel Devine was no gossamer escape artist of a scatback last night; instead he pinged around like a pinball through Auburn's defense, who had no answer when they were fit and fighting in the early going, and certainly had no answer when they crumpled late in a 34-17 defeat to the Mountaineers in Morgantown.

The grill, it seems, is magnetically attracted to endzones at potentially dangerous speeds.

Image from Mountaineer Sports, who we hope is proudly nursing a hangover this morning.

You listen to Mee-maw, now! West Virginia doesn't have a traffic light hung up to direct its fans like they did in your elementary school cafeteria, but they do use digital media to coordinate the tottering masses:

-- MIXED MESSAGES: The scoreboard at Milan Puskar Stadium exhorted West Virginia fans to "MAKE NOISE" when Auburn was on offense. But when the Mountaineers had the ball, the photo of a grandmotherly woman appeared to shush the crowd. "Quiet please, Mountaineers on offense," the scoreboard read.

Old women, the grand fearsome shushers of the world. In our mind, she does this with a squirrel-huntin' rifle in one hand.

We never picked him for a Jane Wyman fan. There's a bit of interesting chum in the shallow waters of the Bret Bielema review here, but this does jut out just a bit:

What's on TV:SportsCenter, Friends, Falcon Crest, Leave It to Beaver, Grey's Anatomy.

Falcon Crest? It's one thing to pick an obscure television show as a retro fave, but a bland and largely forgotten show? Bret Bielema, your subtle ironic hipsterism does not go unnoticed here. Also, Bielema is funny, because he says he actually listens to Buckcherry, which we all know no one actually does.

Blow your candles out...with your last breath. It is sad to see even the very young embracing suicide.

YEAHHHH VERILY GIGGITY And so the son returneth to the father, bearing with him bushels of shame and giggity.