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NAME REDACTED GIVES CREATIVE NICKNAMES

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Hey you! You have a lot of hair! I'm likin' it! Ol' Bucket A Hair! That's what I'm callin' ya!


All that hair. I'm likin' it. Makes you look like an alien. Or an alien that plays football but with a lotta hair comin' all down your back. Bucket 'A Hair. YEAAAAHHHH!!!

[Drives Bentley Golf Cart into brick wall while texting recruit.]

Thinkin' you all need nicknames. Thinkin' it makes recruiting better. Thinkin' gets kids excited. Gotta have excitement. Gotta have passion. Gotta have rugby punts. Gotta have a shower. Ol' Coach showers seven times a day with a waterproof phone to call recruits. Gotta stay fresh and clean. Keep the Zook Hook primed and ready for duty.

WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!! [performs 38 250 pound hangcleans in a row in shower, drops weight and cracks entire tile floor into spidery shards.]

You!

I'm callin' you Blackbeard, 'cause you're black. Gotta beard, too. Blackbeard. Maybe you like piratin'. Booty. We're all likin' the booty. Especially me. LustyLatinas.com. Subscription. Wife found it. Not. Happy.

REGRETTING NOT USING THE COMPANY CARRRRRD!!!!

[Fails to score from the 5, misses a 4th and 1, loses to Minnesota.]