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PERCY HARVIN: NOW WITH TWO FEET

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Percy Harvin has something to tell you. It's a confession, just between you and him: he's been running on a fake heel the entire time he's been a Florida. Those runs against Tennessee, against Florida State? All done on one leg. He knows, it looked like two legs, but you make do with what you have and do the best with it, which was only running a 4.4ish flat sprint past blue-chip recruits on other teams. He's sorry about any misunderstanding, but it's bothered him for..you know..the past six years, that's all.

When asked when was the last time he’s felt this good, Harvin said, “My 10th grade in high school. (The heel) has been nagging me since high school. I did the long jump and played basketball and ran track. All those years it was tearing the bone in my heel. We’ve got it all figured out now. I feel 100 times better.”

Meaning, by that math, Percy should be running a 2.2 or so for the Tennessee game. In 1996, some really, really bored Atlanta producers put together a simulation of just how fast a cockroach actually was relative to the speed of a human, and rigged up a ten dollar computer animation of a cockroach running on its hind legs next to Michael Johnson. This should look like exactly like that if it all works out, especially if we get the mescaline mickey we expect from Volunteer fans pregame.

(BTW: Urban wants to see your business card. Bone? And raised lettering? Niiiiiice.)