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Thirst of a nature only described in sports beverage commercials. Powerthirst could have saved South Carolina tailback Mike Davis, who would not have had to break into a refrigerator for a beverage if he'd only had access to a quart of Rawberry.

On Sunday, Davis broke into a locked refrigerator in the team's weight room that contained sports drinks, sources said. Davis bent the door's frame to get a drink, they said.

The players were summoned and the guilty party was asked to come forward by strength coach Mark Smith. Smith told everyone there was a surveillance tape of the area.

But no one confessed. The football staff learned later, through that video footage, that it was Davis.

Davis will miss the first game due to his refrigerator repair, evening up things for NC State, who lost their starting tailback Jamelle Eugene to an ankle injury. We're sure that if Brown had been drinking Shockolate, this wouldn't have happened, either.

305 is an area code and the number of people in the training room after the game. Miami has not had the Florida ACLfest '08, but they have a slew of players listed as injured who will miss the opener against Charleston Southern, including DEs Eric Moncur and Allen Bailey. Hiring close personal friend of Kimbo Slice, Bas Rutten, as trainer for the Hurricanes may have made them tougher, but putting all these people on the injured list due to split livers is getting old.

There's nothing fark can't do. Rick Neuheisel, now pointing for entirely different reasons. Look at the West Coasters bite and nibble at each other! When we post pictures of Alabama fans actually eating freshly fricasseed Auburn fans before the Iron Bowl and the UN gets involved, we'll reclarify the meaning of animosity. (Suggested condiment with Auburn fan: spicy ranch dressing, a la Outback's Blooming Onion dipping sauce.)

Vic Koenning is really, really sorry about that. Clemson's defensive coordinator is really sorry about accusing Alabama recruits of all driving Escalades.

Koenning said he has never had a problem with Alabama's recruiting practices and doesn't know what vehicles, if any, Jones or Scott drive.

The situation is "100 percent a distraction," Koenning said.

"It was my misjudgement in saying something in a joking manner that got taken and run with," he said.

...did he say "never had a problem with" their practices? Does that mean there ARE problems with them? Can we stay offended? PLEASE SAY WE CAN STAY OUTRAGED WOOOOO ROOOOOOOOOLL TAAAAAAAHHHHHHDE!!!

(Someone pull me off the ceiling, please. The minutes are bleeding by like a slow IV drip of suck.)