CURIOUS INDEX, 8/13/2008

Auburn's practice was "marred" by a fight, showing that for some odd reason reporters and common folk alike labor under the gross misconception that fighting in practice between teammates is a bad thing. Tommy Tuberville came up as a coach under Jimmy Johnson, and Jimmy Johnson is on record as saying that fights in practice are a good thing, and we therefore believe this because Jimmy Johnson is the smartest person to ever coach a football team anywhere.

Does this look like a man who has made a single mistake in life? We think not.

Lee Ziemba was involved, just as he was in preseason fights last year. This is a clear indication that Lee Ziemba is awesome at what he does, and will be a first-team All-SEC pick at the end of the year.

Help. We haven't had the courage to click through yet, so you'll have to tell us what Li'l Red's MySpace page looks like without mentioning too many details, because we will go back to bed and cover our head and not come out for days if it gets too scary.

USC's first practice without Mark Sanchez at qb was "sluggish," just as you would expect it to be without the rhythmic carioca shuffling of Sanchez. The Trojans need to dance, to sing, to exult, to sound barbaric yawps from the rooftops of the world! When they are old, they shall wear purple! LEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUHHHHVEEEE!!! YEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

If you don't tear a phone book in half after listening to that, well, you'll never tear a phone book in half, will you?

Prepare to be boarded, Cracker Barrel! Eastern Carolina stages a PR raid on Cracker Barrel for not carrying enough Pirate Gear. Don't think of the restaurant as being "anti-small school," Pirate fans. Cracker Barrel is attempting to accommodate your requests, and would like to apologize for the inconvenience. Plus, they try to focus on being racist and homophobic, which leaves so little time for an anti-ECU bias it's absurd.

Navy to be short at qb and in syllables. Navy qb Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada may miss the opener due to a hamstring pull.