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CURIOUS INDEX, 4/14/2008

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The Orange and Blue Game did go off without a hitch this weekend, and we can say that because all the hitches happened pregame: third string qb John Brantley dinged his hand on a helmet in practice the week prior, meaning Tim Tebow had to play the whole game despite having a 102 degree fever in 80 degree heat. If you've never been feverish in a hot environment, it's a truly and divinely miserable experience, like baking yourself in a convection oven while wearing noseplugs and reeling from a strong dose of ketamine.

Tebow still had a decent day in the abbreviated format--13 for 21 for 200 yards and 2 TDs and 2 picks caught off doinky tips by receivers--and Cam Newton, the Kodiak bear-sized backup, extended the metaphor by passing like a bear wearing mittens (6/18, 62 yards, no TDs, overall air of inaccuracy and fear of Carlos Dunlap: check.)

Highlight set to mandatory boy-turned-punk band achingly sincere soundtrack below:

Chris Rainey and Carlos Dunlap: your new twin devils for 2008. We're ready today. If you just want to hit us with a mallet and wake us up in four months, we'd be fine with that.

4.53 That's the best forty time posted by a Florida student in the fastest student contest, an impressive time for someone just getting up off the proverbial couch, but not good enough to beat anyone on the team. Chris Rainey got a misstart--his leg was sewing-machining, so nervous was he--but the pocket rocket ran a 4.24, a time that seems a bit dubious to us (are sprint times becoming like bra vanity sizing? Will sprinters all be 4.4 soon, just as every woman is inevitably a C cup in Victoria's Secret?)

Rainey's either delusional, or his body excretes a wind-resistance killing polymer:

Even with his leg shaking because he was so nervous, Rainey, who ran a 40 alone before the final try, blew past everyone and crossed the line with a time of 4.24 seconds — the fastest time recorded during Meyer's tenure at UF.

“My goal was going for a 4.1,” Rainey said of his time. “I'm still working hard and I'm still trying to get it.”

Good luck breaking the laws of physics, Chris. We mean that. We want you to.

I have improved exactly eight times. I counted. Willie Tuitama is very precise:

When asked how much he felt he has improved since last year Tuitama said, "eight times."

Tuitama clearly has quantified self-knowledge. We have decreased in quality exactly 2 percent this morning, but blame the sudden return of winter to Atlanta for the slip. We apologize, and are attempting to correct with torrents of coffee and a good, close shave.

Drah-ma. From what we've heard (tantalizingly anonymous but close sources!) the coaches at UCLA are still very much trying to sort ass from teakettle in terms of division of labor, but they have decided on one thing: Patrick Cowan will be the starting qb, either because he's looked better, or because he took a hit from Rey Maualuga and did not die or vomit blood. Backup Ben Olson is scandalously disappointed!

"It's disappointing. It's definitely very disappointing," Olson told the Daily News. "It's one of those things where all you ask for is a fair opportunity, and you can pretty much figure out after four days of spring ball, where you're learning new stuff, it's pretty tough to feel like you've been given a fair shot.

Non-stories make the best stories: your backup should be thrilled to get the second seat. Even better, discussing it openly with reporters means he's able to communicate an idea effectively to a group of people without being disrespectful. Stop the presses!

West Virginia's defense dominated their last scrimmage, but Pat White says that happens all the time. West Virginia's defense must be the greatest scrimmage defense every constructed.

Whaddya say? The ugly dude with the acne and the Docs sitting in the corner of the class for the duration of your high school career? He got one thing right: Pantera. Start your week off right with "Walk."

Two notes? A real band doesn't need more than two notes, man.