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It may not be SEC speed, but the Big Ten has toughness in Costco-sized flats, sir.

Witnesses driving on the West Shore Bypass, or Route 422, saw the driver of the minivan climb out the driver’s side window and onto the roof. The vehicle swerved and crashed into a concrete median.

The impact sent the vehicle back across the westbound lanes, and the man was thrown down a wooded embankment. Witnesses told police they thought the victim had been killed.

"They were shocked when he got back onto the road," Brown said, adding that the man had a foot-long gash in one side and his internal organs were exposed.

Did we mention the victim was naked? Anyone seen JoePa in the last two hours or so? (HT: TCOAN.)

Call the police, there's a madman around!,