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THE TEN MOMENTS OF PURE MALICIOUS FATE, 2007: MIKE THE MIDGET KILLS BAMA

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We recap the ten most painful and malicious moments of the 2007 season. Life isn't fair. Are you alone right now? Don't you think that's a bit...dangerous?

7. Mikey Henderson stabs you in the heart. Little can help soothe the pain of an overtime loss at home, but you know what you can try? Nothing. You thought we had some cheery recommendation there, didn't you? We didn't: it's a hole that never goes away, no matter how much booze, crack, consumer spending, or reckless sex you pour into it.

Ask Alabama fans, who somehow gave up a game-winning and game-ending TD to Mikey Henderson from Matthew Stafford. We recommend you become a friend of horror. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face... and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends.

Meaning Alabama fans should send cakes and gifts to Stafford and Henderson, because this will be horror for the remainder of the offseason for Tide fans.

You can almost hear Bama fans: "HOW THE HELL DOES A 5' 9" WIDEOUT DO THAT!" With malicious fate pushing at his back, of course.