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THE TEN MOMENTS OF PURE MALICIOUS FATE, 2007: ARRRGGGH RYAN

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Number four in our ongoing moments of horror from the season. Is your throat scratchy? You know, AIDS doesn't show symptoms for years. It won't matter, though, with global warming and all.

4. Eight men versus two. You've subdued Matt Ryan for the better part of four quarters and--though you don't know this at time (you never do, mercifully)--are riding a shot to the national title game down to the wire with undefeated Boston College. I mean, the guy's looked like cold slices of rat ass the whole game, and you've got him throwing into an eight man coverage. This shit is over. Hey, have you ever been to New Orleans? I mean, it's conceivable that a one-loss team could make the game, right? I mean, not a two loss team, but a one-loss team is certainly possible? I hear there's this great restaurant over in the CBD--

--oh, fuck.

To be continued. Going on vacation? Why? You'll just be risking plane travel and road travel, thus doubling your risk of being killed by high-speed trauma. Just stay at home on the internet instead.