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JET SKI 1, VINCE HALL 0

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Virginia Tech standout Vince Hall may miss the Orange Bowl thanks to one of Florida's greatest nuisances outside of lovebugs, sandspurs, and those pesky hotel rapists all over the place: jetskis.

Some innocent horseplay on a personal watercraft in the Atlantic Ocean could result in Virginia Tech being without standout senior linebacker Vince Hall in Thursday night's Orange Bowl.

That's according to the Roanoke Times, who list Hall as "questionable for the game against Kansas tonight. There's nothing funny about jet-skis: they're loud, horrible creations that light beer-fueled yahoos run into the side of boats all the time while flashing the shocker to their friends on shore. (RUMSFELD!) There's also nothing funny about Virginia Tech losing Hall for the game due to a stupid injury, especially with midget manipulator Todd Reesing given a tiny weakness to work with in the Tech D.

At least this didn't happen to Hall on a jet-ski:

See? YOU CAN'T EVEN OUTRUN A MEGALODON WITH A JET-SKI. This is why lifeguards need their own rocket launchers, along with all the terrorists and killer sharks, that is.