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CURIOUS INDEX, 12/18/07

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I will only fire my coach if he is demonstrably terrible. And Kent Baer, long term Willinghambulist and member of his staff for 13 years, met that criterion more than adequately this year as Washington's defense allowed 31.6 points per game and was the worst in the history of the school. And for meeting that illustrious standard, Baer wins a copy of Unemployment, The Home Game!, a sure sign of some pressure Willingham must be under at Washington. Willingham has been extremely loath to fire assistants at any point in his career, as any currently bald Notre Dame fan knows. (The hair disappearing thanks to their frustration with what they perceived as Willingham's cronyism.)

U-Dub Dish suggests that this combined with the recent firing amicable resignation of AD Todd Turner means Willingham is on (groan) "a short leash." Abominable and unintentional puns aside, he's right.

Miami's in need of some badass. And a defensive coordinator, having just fired Tim Walton. Miami is down in the chips, fighting an opponent it can't see, and in need of pulling off a split-kick to the balls to return to its former greatness. One man and only one man will do as a replacement. Kumite! Kumite!

Awesomely enough, it's within the realm of possibility that this could happen. Seriously. Non-Orgeron-worshipping media outlets are reporting that it's a possibility. We want this to happen for so many reasons, the recruiting line "305! It's what I live and what I bench, motherfucker!" only being one of them. (HT: RCR)

Whaddya mean you can't take Confederate muhnay? Bobby Bowden has a million dollar bonus waiting for him when he retires. Note that it doesn't say what kind of dollars, though. Never fear: all the investment in the Confederate bond market will pay off. Steve Bowden's been telling him that for years.

Pretty ladies like Tim Tebow. Is wrong that we looked at Tebow's massive, cut frame before we looked at the girl? That's just a huge slab of white man-monster there, and while the girl's quite nice enough, she'd be laughed out of the burlesque clubs we prefer our women to walk out of wearing nothing but fans and sequins. If it does make us gay, then gosh darnit, it's a clean, Evangelical Christian kind of gay then, isn't it? And like with Mormons and English guys, it's hard to tell with them, so we've got natural camouflage built right in.

(Note to DC Trojan: look! We said English guys. Not Scottish. That would be preposterous, as there are no gay Scottish men, only men lucky enough to made love to by Scotsmen in need of some quick lovin' in a sheep-deprived area. Hello, requisite sheep joke!

God damn you, Wizard of Odds. He found this picture, so we naturally must share the curse with you.


In case you're wondering, you have blown this man to hell with a shotgun in both Resident Evil and in several other fine zombie-themed video games.