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Rumor has it that embattled Michigan AD Bill Martin missed out on the services of Les Miles because he was sailing all weekend. Miles (who behind closed doors in coaching circles is not known for his patience) responded by accepting an extension with LSU while Martin was out to sea. If this is true (and I read it on a blog, so it certainly is), Martin joins the proud tradition of failed watersports enthusiasts like John Kerry, R Kelly, and Brutus Beefcake.
Martin may take some heat over this, but he should really just be thankful he wasn't killed by pirates.

[Also, carrying this metaphor to its logical conclusion casts (sorry) Miles as a giant cantankerous marlin that kills old people, and who can't get behind that? --H.]