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Sam Bradford, your passing efficiency overlord for two games. Photo: Sue Ogrocki, AP.

Aberrant stats department: Two games into the season, the stat sheet for 2007 is rife with oddity. The leader in passing efficiency in the nation is Sam Bradford, Oklahoma's freshman quarterback; the leading passer in the ACC is UNC's T.J. Yates, who you have not heard of and do not lie, you dirty bastard liar, you. Josh John David Booty is a lowly fourth in the Pac-10 in passing efficiency, and the leading receiver on the left coast is Richard Sherman, Stanford wideout. Some things do remain the same, though: in the Big Televen, Space Emperor Zoltan Mesko of Michigan leads the conference in punting.

Their collective wife has left with a drummer. Iowa State needs a Lou Holtz pep talk, spittle, antiquated cliches and all. They followed up their loss to the Kent State Golden Flashes with a kneecapping 24-13 defeat at the hands of 1-AA Northern Iowa. Gene Chizik, welcome to hell: the offense committed four turnovers while the defense allowed UNI's Eric Sanders to complete 23 of 29 passes. They could, for the next week, pay him in Chizik-nickels as punishment.

The boys at Hogville obviously don't read enough "Trev." And by "Trev," we mean Fire Mark May, who they bought hook line and sinker for a bit yesterday.

The football multiverse waxes a bit less colorfully this year as Joe Kines, former defensive coordinator at every school on the planet and last year's interim coach at Alabama, has signed off on coaching completely. "It's a great job, but it's a lousy business," said Kines, who now works in the Alabama athletic department as a fundraiser. In his honor, we bring you his best neologism: the wondrous inside trout.

To Garth Feeney, fellow East Lake High School graduate: cheers to you today, sir.

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