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Why on earth did he ever leave the NFL? Pete Carroll's Trojans open at #1 in the AP poll. Carroll sweats the ranking by saying that "We feel comfortable being here and we want it to feel normal," and shows the strain by flipping out, sleeping three hours a night, and having a heart attack. Oh, did we say heart attack? By that we mean "went body surfing."

Vegas likes the Trojans, too. Be afraid. The Trojans also surfed into the hearts of Vegas sports books, too. Second dibs: West Virginia, the distant second place holder in opening day odds for a national championship.

Kirby to Swallow Opportunity Whole? Kyle Wright's knee is sore, and may miss the third and final scrimmage of Miami's preseason. Headlights? Check! Deer? He's on the way.

It's a European carry-all!!! Chad Henne carries a Louis Vuitton bag instead of a backpack. A part of you has suspected this your entire life and did not realize it until now.

Hype needs no blocking. Popular dark-horse USF has nine offensive linemen out for a slew of reasons. Video game Corso suggests screens and draws as the Bulls sit 12 19 days shy of an opening second week match with Auburn. (Video game Corso always recommends that, dammit.)

Blood is thicker than talent dept, Chapter 2318. The frontrunner for the Colorado Buffaloes' starting qb job is the son of the coach. This always yields positive results. To celebrate, Dan Hawkins went body surfing...down Pike's Peak. Shirtless.

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