Familiar with the term square grouper? It's a term for the plastic-wrapped bales of weed or if you're very lucky/cursed cocaine found floating in the water or washed up on the beach in South Florida. Some people pay for their weddings with them, or put a down payment on a house, or end up begging for their life in a miserable corner of the Everglades to some man named "Rattlesnake."
If you're a reporter waiting for a square grouper of a quote, you need to catch a first-year coach at his most candid. Before he stops cursing during press conferences, or crying, or calling out opponents he can't possibly beat (um hrrghh cough cough Harbaugh.) You need, well...this quote from Randy Shannon.
When asked about Cooper in the spring, Shannon said: "I think Coop did a great job. He brought some some excitement to the team. And he's a calm guy. He's not an arrogant or flamboyant guy." It was going well, then coach goofed. "Believe it or not, he and Javarris James are kind of like butt buddies."
We only hope that in a fair and awesome world, Shannon would have gone on to clarify. "Both have excellent taste in clothing, and possess deep ties with the local arts scene. Both are fond of going to the gym, and are always home in time for Dr. 90210, which they watch with an equal mix of derision and ironic affection. Both have a firm grasp on the concept of camp. And most importantly, both are extremely fond of sodomy. That is, in fact, what I mean when I say they're kind of like butt buddies."
Actually, being members of the 7th Floor Crew, this should strike no one as surprising. After years of the beige from Larry Coker, the fact that we're getting square grouper quotes in year one may mean that greatness is back at Miami in force. Canes fans! It's your birthday!
(HT: Hotlanta Bill.)