3:30: Leading off with Jimmy Clausen and Steve Spurrier. Flies to shit, viewers!
3:32. AHHHHHH Mark May is still on television. And he likes UCLA in the top 12. Note that with that statement, Mark May renews his dipshit license for the year. Chris Spielman looks sweaty, like he just got done beating someone. We're 100 percent sure that's what happened.
3:38: Joe Schad read the company manual on how to properly pronounce ESPN: EEE--ess-PEE--EEEhhhnn. Spielman sounds sedated when he says ND can win 9 games. May shits a kitten and says they're rebuilding and will definitely not win nine games. Bodog.com just got a hundred on ND to win nine from us.
HOLY HELL what is THAT!!! Oh, it's Ben Roethlisberger's head. Threat level brought down to blue.
3:42: Adarius Bowman had 20/900 vision last season?
3:47: Spielman's leaning his head to one side to hide the dart sticking out of his neck. He's definitely sedated. Leaps out on limb by suggesting Texas will be good.
3:50: Wait--that's not Rece Davis? We thought he looked...blond. And female.
3:51: P.J. Hill lost 19 pounds, which means losses for Wisconsin will involve pulling a binging Hill out of a oil barrel full of cheesecake. Spielman says Florida is ranked to high. He is completely right.
3:54: Rece Davis is from South Carolina? Oh, wait. That's not Rece Davis. Rob from Noblesville, Indiana surprisingly likes Purdue. And he's from Purdue! And has teeth like garage doors!
3:59: Mark May is fully embracing his Ming the Merciless role this year. He just needs a death ray to complete the ensemble. Over/under on time until "Jack Mehoffer" is used as a reader name read aloud as a real name on ESPN: two months.
4:00: My, that's...insubstantial. Perhaps the loss of Rece today took some verve out of the production, since we can't remember a single word Wendy Nicks said. We're not even sure if she used articles. What did we learn? We learned that Adarius Bowman was blind as a bat. Other than that, we're left wanting a luxurious hour of content instead of this thirty minute nugget o' nothing.
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