Cocaine, scales--yes, we're back from Vegas. Any association of our trip with these words is strictly your own. We kid, of course--who staying at the Imperial Palace could afford anything but bathtub meth?
We're losing! To a guy who looks like the lead singer of Mudhoney! We can't let Tebow down like this--he's watching and hears all. Go over to the Ladies...and vote us into the third round, dammit. For Tim. For Justice. For us.
Avery Atkins, who went from Florida starter-to-be to domestic violence arrest and instant castoff, had been told that there was the slightest sliver of a chance for his return to Florida. This was predicated on Atkins behaving perfectly for somewhere between a year and two years, most likely. He's not exactly doing this, though he is making strides in the Robert Downey Jr. Category for Most Incriminating Items in a Single Arrest:
Former Florida and Bethune-Cookman football player Avery Atkins was released on bail Saturday after Daytona Beach police arrested him Friday night during an operation addressing narcotic and traffic violations, police said.
Atkins was driving a gold car with excessive window tints when officers stopped him about 7 p.m. near Foote Court and South Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, Lt. Major Garvin said.
The officers smelled marijuana. They then searched Atkins and two other passengers in his car, finding drugs, a gun and a digital scale, Garvin said.
Perhaps not as incriminating as this...
...but close. Atkins attracted the interest of police for illegal tint in his windows, again proving our point that if you want to be a successful drug dealer on the run, buy a shitass Ford Tempo and get an eighty-year old woman to be your courier. Retirees are looking for something to do, anyway.
Another former Sunshine State standout hasn't learned the eighty-year-old-retiree-coke-courier trick:
former USF player Johnny Peyton was seen executing a hand-to-hand drug deal (the personal touch) with a woman by Tampa area police this weekend. Shortly thereafter, a traffic stop search found several vials of crack cocaine in the back, earning Peyton a possession arrest and additional jail time for an existing parole violation. Peyton was a rising star for the Bulls in his freshman season before his dismissal for "violating team rules."
Block U picks up the alluring aroma of impending football and lists their own ten things you should know about college football. It's mostly a fine list, though they make the critical error of including Jenn Sterger and her silicone famebags under the "sexy coeds" category. If they'd seen Sterger recently, her passion for plastic surgery's gone a bit far--or at least as far as the bargain basement cosmetic surgeons of Guatemala can carry it.
If only you could fix those man-boobs...
Marco, one of the original madmen of the blogosphere, has heartbreaking tales from across college football to share, including the morose tale of Jom Toad.
Alabama linemen are evidently slimming down after sliding into fattyhood under the Shula regime. The new regime's regimen includes plenty of push-ups, plyometrics, and running, running, running, which linemen traditionally take to like salt to slugs. Drinking raw egg, using chest expanders, and sessions under the jiggling conveyor belt machine to follow.
Andre Smith, Alabama lineman, looks plenty nimble enough here. Any lighter and he'll be running post patterns alongside Keith Brown and D.J. Hall
He's squarely in Verne Troyer category in height, but Trindon Holliday confirms our theory that Lousiana's burgeoning and unregulated chemical industry has produced a race of mutants just ripe for the picking by the college football powers of the world. (And that skyrocketing cancer rate, too--but omelets, eggs, you know.)
Holliday, 5'5" in Manolo Blahniks on a day when gravity's feeling a bit lax, placed second at the NCAA Track Championships, flambe-ing the 100m dash in 10.06 seconds. Holliday, a Sonic the Hedgehog clone who fielded punts for LSU last year, is likely the fastest man in D-1 football, with Andre Smith running right there behind him following Alabama's conditioning program.
College coaches can be total and complete selfish bastards, according to Josh Moon. Well...sure. We're all out of outrage over here, so if anyone has any, we'd like to have a hit.
Until then we'll be lolling in preview mags and the fact that we're less than three months away from FOOTBALL GODDAMN FOOTBALL WOOO!!!! That's much more of a buzz-keeper these days for us.
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