Blogtoberfest: the Pu-Pu Platter of college football information, minus Crab Rangoon. Everyone hates Crab Rangoon.
--Houston Nutt is supposedly being considered for the Cowboys job. This would be awesome like roller derby.
--Dead horse, foot, foot dead horse. Let's get this party started. Hoover Street Rag takes their stab at determining the best conference in the land over the past fifteen years. We use the word stab, since any time the discussion rears its scaly head someone gets stabbed, bleeds profusely, and ends up in the ER.
Fortunately, sane heads rule HSR's lunge at the answer to "WHO IS THE w00t35t IN THE LAND?" The conclusions, cut and pasted with grim satisfaction from our hands:
Over the past 15 seasons, the SEC has been ahead of everyone else. They've possessed both excellent regular-season and postseason records, although the regular-season mark is barely ahead of the Big Ten.
WOOOOOOOOO SEC WOOOOOOOO!!!! Just try and tell us hookworm, bourbon, and electing the dead body of Strom Thurmond to the Senate four times don't add up to at least one form of success. We'll be in the bar doing shots of White Lightning and setting the stools on fire to the anthem of our people.
--Your Pravda/People's Daily Note of the Day One: Florida recruiting class truly becoming a bumper crop of the people's bounty! Urban be praised! Let us thank most especially the six recruits who found the light of the late adolescent's paradise called Gainesville more alluring than the six lesser schools they originally committed to--remember, it's not reneging on an agreement, it's "obeying the will of the people." That sounds a lot better.
--Les Miles says everything you own in a box to the left. In other news of recruits "seeing a different light," Les Miles thinks you're a lying bitch who gets no eggroll if you flipflop on your scholarship offer. Miles and the LSU coaching staff are reportedly considering yanking a scholarship offer to defensive tackle prospect over his visit to Tuscaloosa. From Fanblogs, further LSU/Alabama shit-talk from Davis' visit to Saban and others:
According to both prospects, Saban took credit for LSU's recent success as he signed most of the players involved in the Tigers' 22-4 run since he left.
Which he did, of course. Miles responded by biting his lip, turning red, and saying "NOTAFINGAH!" before storming off in his golf cart.
Les Miles, seen here shortly before running off in golf cart.
--I'll have a high fructose corn syrup enema with turbinado, please. According to a report done by Iowa State University, nearly half of all high school lineman on both sides of the ball qualify as obese. There's some quibbles perhaps to be made with the measurements here. Did they use a BMI measurement? How much of that is muscle? Did they weigh players before or after they consumed a Ruby Tuesday's "Riblets Tub" and washed it down with a pitcher of gravytinis?
--What I'm really looking for is fifty passes a game and shoulder tendonitis at 21. Mustain? Not going anywhere yet, though he's allegedly shopping the low end of the glitzy, small-pond passing factories: Texas Tech, UTEP, and Tulsa, where his old high school coach Gus Malzahn is the co-offensive coordinator.
--Required Reading or Death Dept. SMQ has the exclusive transcript of Presidente Rudy Carpenter and his keynote speech at the Republic of Arizona State. Essential reading, unless you're a running dog capitalist, in which case you may ignore it and die the death of a people's enemy.
--Boy Genius goes the Faust Route.
Lane Kiffin signs his life over to Al Davis, thus prolonging Davis' life another five years and shortening Kiffin's by ten. (No one says a vampire cuts fair deals.) Conquest Chronicles seems less than broken up by it for predictable reasons: most people had assumed that the combo of Sarkisian and Kiffin represented an embarrassment of braintrust riches for USC, and that they'll be fine with only one boy genius running the offense for the Trojans.
--Fat and alive is better than thin and dead. We think. Charlie Weis' lawsuit over his fatness surgery--more scientifically known as the gastric bypass procedure nearly killing him in June of 2002--finally gets to court this week. Tom Brady may be a witness, so expect starlets in tow and Boston Globe writer Charles Pierce staring moonily at the qb during his testimony.
The defense plans to cleverly invert standard Notre Dame fan logic by suggesting that Ty Willingham's doctor actually performed the allegedly botched surgery.
--We inform you that your resume does not fit the job description. With Gary Crowton gone to LSU, Oregon still yearns for an offensive coordinator as electric as the eyeball-scarring yellow on the Ducks uniforms. Fanhouse has a list of people who do not fit this bill, including a suggestion we concur with:
5. Me. Yeah me. Or you. Or anyone else you've never heard of who's also unqualified. With the talent coming in, the reputation for sending coordinators to head coaching spots or more lucrative coordinator jobs, Oregon shouldn't be calling anyone who's qualifications aren't much better than mine. Or yours.
We nominate Mike Shula, since him coaching an offense in the Pacific Time Zone ensure we will never have to watch another down of his fetid playcalling ever again over here in the EST.
Look at that tan! Don't you want a coach with a deep, lustrous tan?
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