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DAMN YOU, UCLA: FOILED AGAIN!

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The Subcommandante will be along in a bit. First, foozball news.

Never outsource your dastardly plots. Never! There FSU was, all tied to the railroad tracks, down 27-23 and getting run over by UCLA, a team that couldn't run its way through soggy drywall all year. If it was us in charge of this dastardly plot, we would have twiddled our inky black mustache, secured the Seminoles to the track tightly with only the newest, bleached-white rope, and then backed away and let the 4:23 inbound from Portland do the work.

Alas: not all help is created equal. UCLA just sat there, locked at 27-23 for five minutes or so, and when the inevitable rush came flying back for FSU, they collapsed. Yes, they did get off the rails with the assistance of a positively negligent no-call on a pass-interference play where Greg Carr tossed a db to the ground and caught the patented Jeff Bowden Jump Ball for a touchdown. (Jeff Bowden's reaction shot nearly made us throw up our cough medicine.)

But UCLA let Polly Trueheart off the tracks, and even loosened a few coils of the rope just to make things fair. Nestor and the rest of Bruins Nation weren't even surprised, right? 4th and nothing on FSU's goal line, and Dorrell opts for the field goal despite running at will on FSU's defense to that point. That's how you end up losing 44-27 to a team Wake Forest blanked at home.

Never, ever send someone else to do your dirty work. Nevah!


Always, always tie the maiden to the tracks yourself. You never know how other people will do it.