Mike Leach has been trawling us about the harbor, mateys, and a fine net of fishy goodness we've found. And how appropriate a word is fishy for whatever you're finding on the internet, aye? Aye.
--Eric Wilbur lived up to the flaky pedigree of most punters by mocking a flaky punter. On the final punt of the SEC Championship, Wilbur lined up and performed what resembled a parody of Arkansas punter Jacob Skinner's pre-kick visualization routine, which to those of you who've fallen and grunted your way through a few Rodney Yee videos should look a lot like a Sun Salutation from yoga. (HT: Allhegator.)
Zoom in on Wilbur to get the full effect.
--Texas no tiene un quarterback, since Jevan Snead is transferring and Colt McCoy's still waiting for some Texas fan to show up and give him a new shoulder for the bowl game. (Again, Longhorns: Lowe's, aisle 7.)
Texas is also shopping for new defensive coordinators and looking down Aisle 11, where they keep all the defensive guys with ties to the state of Georgia. He has the mustache. He has the talent. And when Bryan Van Gorder took over at Georgia, Georgia players suddenly became very, very mean. Put with Duane Akina and Texas trainer Jeff Madden, and you've got the makings of a mandatory mustache Super Troopers style staff.
Jesus, Jeff Madden scares the shit out of us.
--Moving a bit north up the Lonesome Dove trail to Nebraska...
Bill Callahan's beating himself up nasty over Nebraska's performance in the Big 12 Championship game.
"I’m looking at it really hard," he added. "I’m just upset at myself for that particular performance. I don’t think our fans deserve it. Our fans waited a long time for that (game), and I apologize to them.
"I’m really, really upset. I’m really upset for that performance, and it all falls on my shoulders. I’m pretty aggravated, to say the least."
Bill needs a hug. Or maybe he needs to build a snowman to cheer himself up!
--Andy thinks we need to thank [NAME REDACTED.} We're not that far enough along in our walk with Jesus yet to do that, metaphorically speaking. Or perhaps better phrased, we don't know if that's correctable in our hearts...
--Navy tops the nation in APR for bowl-bound teams. (Auburn's sociology department had a down year, we guess. )
--Dan Wetzel thinks Florida's Bernie Machen is the right warrior to charge at the gates of the corrupt BCS. Even if he fails, that's fine with us, since it could potentially distract him from his other quixotic quest: reducing drinking on campus during Gameday.
--Go vote for the Wiz's cheap shots of the year. We're endorsing the delayed flattening of Colt McCoy after the whistle for sheer malicious intent and flagrancy points.
--Elkon's still got the UM/Florida bit in his mouth, and is pulling with all the lawyerly ferocity he can muster. This time he's got quotes from a Florida booster from throughout the season where the booster evidences severe doubt in the team, worries, and rips the coaching staff for inane tactics and gameplanning. Nope, doesn't sound like any fans we know anywhere.
--Lucious Seymour is a bit upset about all the attention he's received. It may be because he changed his name from "Lucious Pusey." Will from Deadspin received this email from the man, the legend, Lucious:
ooo so yall mother fuckers dont have shit else to say bout me huh... damn you know the funny thing is that mother fuckers like yall wont have the balls and say it to my face.. when i make it to the league i willshoot a middle finger at yall and say fuck all my haters.. i am the realest, and my name is Lucius Seymour get it right!!
We've already filed the plagiarism complaint with Eastern Illinois, because that's lifted straight from the conclusion to our Senior Honors Thesis, "Man and Mandingo: Frontin', Stuntin', and Why We're Changing Our Name To Lucious Pusey," Orson Swindle, University of Florida Press, 1999. Prepare to be sued, asshole.
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