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We wish we had been home-schooled. Home-schooled kids get this great leash length normal kids don't get on their behavior: flapping your arms after winning national spelling bees, engaging in hobbies like playing the bassoon without getting said instrument shoved up your ass after school, being a creationist without having your teacher flunk you.

Taking your dad to football practice might have to be added to this list after we read this editorial in the Alligator about Tim Tebow's father and his involvement with the program. Student editorials sometimes read like little test-tube Colberts wagging fingers they just discovered at the end of their hands, and this one's no exception.

Bob is so fanatical about making sure his son succeeds, he doesn't even have time to talk to this writer after practice, saying he has to "talk to my son about what he needs to do."

Supposition + assumption + snub of reporter/ youthful indignation= wag wag wag!

Deep in that jungle of wag is a nugget of truth: Tim Tebow's dad is at every practice. All of 'em. And that's kind of weird, frankly, for a father to express such attachment for a son. It's almost un-American, dammit. Why can't Bob Tebow just give him a stack of McDonald's gift certificates, a loaded gun, and a 20 dollar bill before dropping him off at the bus terminal like everyone else's dad when he turns 18?

Makes 'em strong: Tebow's dad should consider following more traditional American parenting practices.