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SAM KELLER TO 'HUSKERS, JILTS STOOPS

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Sam Keller makes the quick read and opts for a transfer to Nebraska, where he will be able to mindmeld directly with Fearless Leader and certified Sooper Genious Bill Callahan. Keller will have one season of eligibility left to work with Callahan and learn his impossibly intricate West Coast scheme, the one with the slant, five-yard curl, and skinny post...you know those impossible concepts that no one else uses in their offense ever. Keller also received phone calls from Bob Stoops, who sort of needs a qb or two at this point in life.

Keller, if he should like to study, would be advised to check out NCAA 2007's basic West Coast playbook. It's about what Callahan uses...if he dares delve into its arcane depths! We advise a quick chanting of klaatu verata nicto before opening it, though. A quick point of the hand to his arm and an announcement of "THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK" to the other qbs might help, too.


Callahan: "Listen up, you primitive screwheads..."