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That five hour ass-branding of Buffalo/MidState Octagonal PolyTech/Citadel you'll be watching in just a few scant days? It's part of college football's redistribution system where the running dog capitalist pig landlords--like Florida, for example--fill the slot of the 12th game with cupcakey games like Western Carolina.

Ahh, but the crafty proletariat wins here, thanks to the redistributive effects of the ever-larger checks they receive from big powers looking for easy kicking. The money builds new weight rooms and facilities. They leach the power from the overlords without them even knowing it!

Buffalo in particular made a patsy of the bourgeoisie this offseason, dumping dates with West Virginia and Rutgers to get worse beatings at the hands of Auburn and Wisconsin for nearly twice the money it would have made originally. This makes the Buffalo football team the most profitable punching bag for cash since Peter McNeeley, or possibly any one of Gary Busey's ex-wives. The point of all this? Datwan Hemingway, the superbly named backup qb for Buffalo, gets a new weight room, which is all he really needed to send his Heisman hype into the stratosphere. The ground floor's open, people--we're just waiting for you to get on the bandwagon, comrade.

Datwan Hemingway: the people's champ.