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Nothing today will top the WTF quotient of Maurice Clarett being bankrolled by the Israeli Mafia, but do take a moment to read about the dorkfight breaking out in the Frank Solich GHB/DUI case. Solich is pressing the case because he legitimately believes he was drugged that night at the bar; the state is pressing the case because that's what the state does, dammit, a conviction fueled mostly by the officers' reports that Solich "stank of alcohol" upon arrest. (HT: Devil Grad.)

White labcoats will be spattered with blood by the time this concludes, though. Shield your soul from the harsh language experts are using to poke holes in either side's case:

"(The Solich hair test) definitely was not appropriately done," testified Marinetti. "You have to be able to tell the difference between the 'junk' and the drug you're interested in."

"There is no evidence that they ran a calibration curve or ran controls," Goldberger said.

No calibration curve? No controls? Translation from geekspeak into English: But I know somethin about you
You went to Cranbrook, that's a private school

Savagery, we tell you. Pure unadulterated savagery. But they wouldn't go as far as questioning chain of custody, right? Only the nastiest expert forensic mc dares push that envelope. Wait...

Asked by prosecutor Eliason who conducted the testing, he replied, "I really can't tell because there's no chain of custody."

No he di-uhnt!

Better get some toilet paper cause your lab protocols is butt.