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LIKE LAGUNA BEACH, BUT WITH FOOTBALL. AND NO BEACH.

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Birmingham and MTV don't really come up in the same discussion very often--though the 'Ham could be badass slang for a rapper's 'hood, once MTV fatigues of Houston and moves on to the next "totally spontaneously discovered hotbed of new music."

Yet it exists: "Two-A-Days," the new reality series following the Hoover High School football team through their 2005 season. Hoover High, named for the suburb of Birmingham boasting an O'Charley's, ample parking, and an extremely successful high school football program, gnashed teeth over the decision to allow MTV to film on campus and in practice before granting permission before allowing the network to film the 2005 season. The pilot focuses on their game with Nease High School and their star quarterback/new UF hottnezz Tim Tebow, who they beat 50-29.

Our favorite quote from the piece comes from Hoover High psychopath/coach Rush Propst at the very tail end of the article:

It captures some players and coaches using foul language, but most of those words are bleeped out. Propst said such language is the nature of intense football.

Fucking A, Coach Propst. We'll have to find new networks to pitch our ideas for reality shows, since MTV ever-younger-skewing programming will have them covering the lives, passions, and challenges of preschoolers playing t-ball.


"It's edgy. Middle America can't resist. It's now. It's hot...it's t-ball.

Our two pitches:

--"Chris Leak Just Wants His Stapler." Watch the drama of Leak's 2006 senior season as he begins as starter and finishes sitting alone at a desk in the basement looking for his stapler. Will feature Urban Meyer wearing Lundberg suspenders and white-collared navy blue Oxfords urging him to take care of the roach problem down there.

--"Irons Chef: Cooking with Kenny and David Irons." The SEC's most quotable brothers cook up 30 minute gourmet meals for the college student in between snippets of their trademark banter. A sample:

David: Now for this recipe you'll need some fresh chicken.

Kenny: We recommend that you get the freshest you can find at your local market, or even getting one yourself at a local organic poultry farm.

David: And you can kill it yourself by showing it a picture of Kenny, or to his girlfriend, who should be wandering around the barnyard while you're out at the farm. Or you can just hold it up to the tv and watch it die when he's on screen, like "bwaa-BAAAAWWWK"--ZAP! Dead just like that.

Kenny: Fuck you, man.

Well, we'd watch it. But as a viewer of Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons in adulthood, that really doesn't say a lot, right?