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Florida RB coach Stan Drayton earns our Mustache Wednesday honors this week with his meticulously manicured production which we will dub "The Maginot Line" for its French-style landscaping and formidable appearance. Our goal will be to convince one other member of the Florida staff to grow facial hair before the season begins, since excellence is attracted to mustaches and beards; they're like Tesla coils for winnitude.

Doubt us? Check Texas' coaching staff out, one of the most successful over the past five years in the country and the caretakers of some strong, strong nose spoilers. Our personal favorite is the classic Harley Bastard 'stache sported by Texas strength coach Jeff Madden. We'd normally call that model "the Leather Queen," but Madden looks like he could beat our ass with just his eyebrows--thus the redo on the name.

Congrats, Stan Drayton: the considerable effort of keeping Deshawn Wynn awake hasn't driven you to neglect your manscaping. In fact, it's looking better than ever, sir. Bravo!

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers.