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CLAY TRAVIS GIVES THE EULOGY FOR JEFFERSON PILOT

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Clay Travis puts the now-dead corpse of Jefferson Pilot, the UHF frequency of Southern football, to its well-deserved rest. What we'll miss about the regional broadcaster's extremely regional broadcasts:

1. Live and uninterrupted: We swear JP used to go whole quarters without a commercial break, which was as close to in-game, at-game rhythm as you could get.

2. All Jared Lorenzen, All the Time: JP broadcast games you wouldn't watch if projected on the flesh of Vida Guerra's naked ass, and somehow for a five year span Jared Lorenzen played in all of them. If it weren't for JP we wouldn't have seen the Pillsbury Throwboy play his least memorable games, and for that we owe them. How Jared did this for six different teams, we'll never know, but there's a lot of him to spread around.

3. The atrocious music. Ill-matched, always too loud, and yanked from the backing track to Iron Eagle 2.


R.I.P., JP.