STANFORD LINEMAN GETS LARGE

Ekom Udofia, a VHT for Stanford in 2005, has blossomed under the tutelage of his trainers, who've evidently been shoveling food down his gullet like relief workers filling sandbags at a flood. Udofia has gone from his recruiting weight of 290 in late 2004, briefly pausing at 320 before topping out (so far) at a bouncing 335. What the blue hell has Udofia been eating? Besides strangers and sacks of bacon-wrapped macadamia nuts?

We suspect the following:

--hamdogs

The horror: the hamdog.

--high-fructose corn syrup IV

--N-Large 2 shakes made with clotted cream instead of water

--Braised slices of Kirstie Alley's ass in Bearnaise sauce

--Foie gras milkshakes

--Available at top-tier schools like Stanford only: piles of dork chops