FULMER CUPDATE: TENNESSEE AND GEORGIA DISPLAY FOURTH QUARTER SKILLS
by Spencer Hall on Jul 12, 2010 3:51 PM EDT
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PrintWith such a busy week in the Fulmer Cup, it's just so tense around here. If only there was something to take the edge off around here, just....
...ahhhh, that's so much better. We're a bit hungry all of a sudden, though. UNC linebacker Quan Sturdivant understands our pain, though. Sturdivant was arrested on Saturday for marijuana possession, and likely fell into a bold new plan to nab weed smokers in the act concocted by the Albemarle police department: waiting at places that are irresistible to high people, and then searching them based on reasonable suspicion. (You're at Bojangles/Taco Bell/Checkers= you're probably baked to the gills.)
It's just not fair, but please note both the time and the location:
Sturdivant had less than half an ounce in his possession when he was pulled over at Bojangles’ at 11:15 a.m., reports state.
Wake and bake interruptus, Albemarle PD? We're sorry, we thought this was America, where you can wake up, get high, and then make a leisurely cruise to the fried chicken depot of your choice without harassment. You know how Rick James died? Voluntarily, and all because of bastards like you. In other news, if UNC's defense is getting high and eating junk food en masse to start their days, get the hell out of their way, because if the 2006 Florida defense is any indication, the ACC is about to get ripped in half by a weed-smoking cyborg Kodiak Bear named Destiny Killballs.
Three points for UNC with two points for the weed, and one for being arrested at a Bojangles before noon. If that doesn't make innate sense to you, you are probably going to be arrested at a Bojangles high sometime in the next year.
The rest of the Cup and the Big Board follow after the jump. POP THE HOOD TO LOOK AT ITS SEXY CAKES, Y'ALL, and at Brian's standard massively hung work in the key of Reggie Nelson.
TENNESSEE'S NEW MASCOT IS STOMPY THE UNSPORTING ELEPHANT. Unknotting the mess of Tennessee football players may still require some points maintenance, but here's what we have from the bar brawl at Bar Knoxville, located next to Laundromat Knoxville and the equally unique Parking Lot Knoxville.
Da'Rick Rogers: Disorderly conduct, resisting arrest. Both misdemeanors at one point each.
Darren Myles: Assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest, and evading arrest. Assaulting a police officer is a felony, and the other two are misdemeanors, so five points in all here.
Bonus points? Yes, because "barstools swinging through the air" and "stomping a cop" scream bonus point here.
The grand total for the Tennessee incident is eight points, with modifications open if further charges are filed in the case (and one more player is expected to be charged, per Clay Travis's on-air interview with a KPD official today.)
GEORGIA: Dontavius Jackson and Tavarres King earn points for Georgia with the ill-advised decision first to get in a car in Athens, a move that has never yielded positive results for UGA players ever. Consider walking, riding a bicycle, or even adopting one of thousands of burros who need homes for a green option that simultaneously trims your lawn and fertilizes it. #burroskeepbulldogsoutoftrouble #youcanputrimsonthemifyouwant #itmakesthemfeelpretty
Secondly, they made the mistake of getting into the car drunk, underage, and without the years of practice that has kept experienced tipsy land sailors out of the pokey for years.* Dontavius Jackson gets three points for the DUI charge, since he was also underage, and King gets a point for underage possession. Burros could have prevented four points for Georgia in the Fulmer Cup, but you didn't listen to us, did you?
SOUTHERN MISS: Picks up a chintzy three points thanks to three players getting disorderly conduct charges when Hattiesburg police, seeing people standing around, told them not to stand around, and then arrested three Southern Miss players for standing around, because policemen dislike overly chill bros who just like, you know, standing around. Standout wide receiver Deandre Brown was one of them, but his status for the opener against South Carolina should not be affected (because this is a really, really stupid charge.)
OHIO UNIVERSITY: Two points for an assault charge in a barfight for Ohio's Matt Britain, because one point for what is likely a misdemeanor assault charge, and one point for repeat offender status. Athens, Ohio is built over a hellmouth, and one must never forget this.
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I thought I read where there were 7-10 UT players involved...
I am really disappointed in the KPD that only 2 and maybe a third is all they could arrest. This would have been the largest team point total outside of ETJ3 or Jimmy Johns singular actions, that I can recall if all of the players could havebeen charged with something. WTF happened to loitering or some such bullshit? Doesn’t the KPD need the money from a frivolous charge(s) in these tough economic times?
Yeah, I'm a little surprised we didn't see a more gratuitous sprinkling of disorderly conduct or something like that
Too bad this didn’t happen in a state with antique laws against “fisticuffs in a publick houfe of ale” or something like that.
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Jul 12, 2010 4:51 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Knooxville cops are in the backpocket of the UT AD
If they pressed charges like the Athens police, UT would put up Spurrier like numbers this and every year.
by GwinnettGamecock on Jul 12, 2010 9:13 PM EDT up reply actions
Jimmy Johns laughs...
at the weak attempts to break his record, the Dimaggio hitting streak of the Fulmer Cup.
"The intensity of the dump was the problem" - Nick Saban
by Bazarov, the Last Romanov on Jul 12, 2010 5:07 PM EDT up reply actions
It is the Ellis T Jones III award for a reason
Jimmy couldn’t even break ETJ3’s record which is 31 points if I recall correctly.
by Crabapple Buck on Jul 12, 2010 5:11 PM EDT up reply actions
Here's the records...
For the entire Fulmer Cup
In theory, he would have gotten 36 points under the current scoring system… without any bonus points. Could be 4 points for some of the robberies.
Those are big shoes to fill...
I don’t know how I forgot the man behind the eponymous award. Johns is still on another level, and I think multiple robberies and a kidnapping (ETJ3) vs. some Barksdale-style powder operating (Johns) is like apples to oranges.
Speaking of Orange, Jimmy Johns still laughs at Tennessee players’ weak individual showings here.
"The intensity of the dump was the problem" - Nick Saban
by Bazarov, the Last Romanov on Jul 13, 2010 12:17 PM EDT up reply actions
What I understand...
Is that there were only 3 or 4 actually present at the incidence, but word got out quickly and a few more guys showed up after the fact.
Bar Knoxville, located next to Laundromat Knoxville and the equally unique Parking Lot Knoxville.
As well as the local dentist, Tooth Knoxville.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Jul 12, 2010 4:12 PM EDT reply actions 3 recs
that
is hilarious. + 1,sir.
i will train my hair for Tennessee. today! __________ ... have some good gift
by thetennesseethumper on Jul 13, 2010 8:21 AM EDT up reply actions
Dear Tar Heels,
Behold the results of the innovative Get High And Eat Junk Food Program:
WOULD NOT RECOMMEND
Brian Kelly says no Spicy Sea Nuggets.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jul 12, 2010 4:14 PM EDT reply actions
I hate to say it...
but what about all the other charges Jackson got? You know, following too closely, failure to obey the move-over law, underage possession of alcohol, leaving the scene of an accident, and license violation? I mean, I don’t want to see Georgia at the top of the board, but I just wasn’t sure where the other points went.
I really was looking forward to that one point from the Move-Over law.
If ever a point in the Fulmer Cup could be attributed to cops with too much times on their hands…
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
by jokastrength on Jul 12, 2010 4:17 PM EDT up reply actions
I couldn't believe that "following too closely" tacked on.
That’s just mean, even for Athens coppers.
________________________________
I will give my shirt for Tennessee today.
by Holly Anderson on Jul 12, 2010 5:42 PM EDT up reply actions
4th place tie settled...
ON THE FIELD.
That is, if nobody gets scooter-sloppy in ATH between now and Sept.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jul 12, 2010 4:23 PM EDT reply actions
You only get FOUR points for stomping a cop unconscious?
Really??
by Tubby Sweetbundle on Jul 12, 2010 4:26 PM EDT reply actions
i've heard of a drunken guy
that was soo smashed he thought he was at his own house. The actual resident heard someone trying to unlock the front door, so they went to investigate the noise. Well, the resident spooked the drunk guy, so drunk guy hit him in the face. Drunk guy got charged with assaulting a police officer. even though the police officer was off duty and it was like 3am.
Clarification needed
1) Was he in uniform (i.e. working an off-duty detail at the bar?)
2) Did he identify himself as an officer?
3) Was he Steven Seagal?
If the answer to either 1 or 2 is “yes,” bonus points are warranted. If 3 is a yes as well, deduct 10 points.
No uniform...
no idea if he identified himself, need to wait for the report since I don’t trust any of the 48 “I was there, and this is what REALLY happened” stories.
Don't cops stick out like sore thumbs in college towns anyways?
It was exactly tough to smell the bacon around Lawrence…
"Got a bill that's big enough to twist the Tiger's tail. Husked some corn and made those SORRY HUSKERS BAIL!"
by KennyGregoryRockThaCradle on Jul 13, 2010 2:03 AM EDT up reply actions
Hmmmm ...
Athens, Ohio is built over a hellmouth, and one must never forget this.
If you’d ever been to Athens there’s no way you’d ever forget that fact. Ever.
Eighty-five percent of the f*ckin' world is working. The other fifteen percent come out here. A f*ckin' playground for the cocks*ckers.
-Lee Elia on Cubs fans
by Farneyismycopilot on Jul 12, 2010 4:29 PM EDT reply actions
That pretty much mirrors
my recollection of Athens. Their seemingly 1-1 ratio of faculty to bars also was a bit staggering, quite literally. Ask Frank Solich.
by Onestatewest on Jul 12, 2010 4:49 PM EDT up reply actions
Athens, Ohio is built over a hellmouth, and one must never forget this.
Can I get an “Amen!” — or at least a “GIGGITY!” — here?
Looks like this afternoon should rack up the points for the Vols. They should have the Cup wrapped up this week. http://tonybasilio.com/index.php?page=tony
Well.
One Bar Knoxville patron said he overheard one of the players say upon arriving on the scene ’We’re here to kick some a**. Anybody want to get whipped?’
Voodoo Five - South Florida Bulls SBN Blog
The Toughest Blog in America
by Jamie DeVriend on Jul 12, 2010 7:33 PM EDT up reply actions
Bonus points for multiple team arrests
Shouldn’t U(sic)GA have received bonus points for having multiple players arrested over multiple incidents?
The bonus point system is in shambles
See Oregon for reference.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Jul 12, 2010 4:49 PM EDT up reply actions
Oh cute . . .
you did the(sic) thing. That’s innovative. I’ve never, ever seen a Georgia Tech fan do that before. Well done.
Next he'll have the brilliant epiphany that UGA plus Y equals "UGay"
Or even more clever, UGA plus G equals “UGag.” They’re on a roll, so let the Techies have their giggles.
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Jul 12, 2010 6:04 PM EDT up reply actions
hey
there is also gay-turds
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
by jokastrength on Jul 13, 2010 12:16 PM EDT up reply actions
Now can you really attribute that to us?
I mean, for all we know another brilliant scholar in Tallahassee could have coined that gem.
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Jul 13, 2010 12:23 PM EDT up reply actions
Agreed...and about as innovative
as another Georgia scooter joke.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Jul 12, 2010 6:05 PM EDT up reply actions
But he didn't do it correctly.
It gets brackets, not parentheses. Not that we should expect anything better from Techies, but I like the irony anyway.
Wow, making fun of unconventional spelling
that’s even more ground breaking. Just to help you cut to the chase, we’re also all going to work for you one day.
by MaconDawg on Jul 12, 2010 7:11 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
I’m just resorting to the level of taunting you were when you jumped on moonjacket. And I used “sic” properly.
You're right
He used a tired, lame quip and you really put me in my place by employing an equally tired, equally lame quip. Let me help you. Our former Athletic Director is a drunk, and our football team perennially underachieves relative to it’s talent level. You know, like your basketball team. There, that should get you started. Go nuts.
by MaconDawg on Jul 12, 2010 7:48 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
Your Classic City is a pale imitation of Macon
You haven’t had a decent bar band since the ‘80s, and while you think you’re wild, you ain’t. You’re mild. You’d like to be ‘Bama, but your daddy was insufficiently successful in his insurance agency. You’re actually afraid of your redneck sidewalk alumni, the people in the Athens projects, and bars in Midtown Atlanta. You think jokes about Techies being from Asia are funny.
There’s plenty of fruit above the low-hanging branches, rest assured.
by Golden Hand on Jul 12, 2010 7:53 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
See, now this one has some mustard on it.
That’s fine work.
by MaconDawg on Jul 12, 2010 8:15 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
World of Warcraft, nerds, North Avenue Trade School, the campus is ugly, you've only beaten us once in this millenium...
What did I miss?
(Oh, and yes, we do have our unwashed hordes of sidewalk alumni, but there are a good bit more Georgia Tech redneck sidewalk alumni than you would like to admit).
Oh, Clean Old-Fashioned Hate, isn’t it fun?
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Jul 12, 2010 9:03 PM EDT up reply actions
I beg to add:
North Ave. Nebbishes.
Thank you.
you must mean the game
bc i’m sure there aren’t enough (willing) females within the confines of MARTA-range to sell out much of anything at the GT homecoming dance….
No need to bring World of Warcraft and Nerds into this
Georgia Tech doesn’t have those on lockdown. Go to the engineering department at any school.
Oh Please
If that was the case, you wouldn’t have a football team. There has to be a few majors for your athletes and people that just want a Georgia Tech degree without the Georgia Tech education.
No no.
I believe an engineering department may just now be in the works for UGA, but otherwise, there was nothing. The primary major for football players would be HACE (Housing and Consumer Economics).
by hailtogeorgia on Jul 13, 2010 2:33 PM EDT up reply actions
I think you misunderstood, Charles UF
Georgia Tech is UGA’s engineering department.
But sure, there are places on the Flats besides engineering to stuff the less-than-bright athletes. But as any Tech fan will be quick to tell you, THEY STILL ALL HAVE TO TAKE CALCULUS!
Ah.
That explains it. Still, I find the notion that UGA doesn’t have an engineering program remarkable though.
UGA has one...
Bio/Ag Engineering
And there has been talk to expand it recently.
Still not sure why if a kid knows he wants to be an engineer he would come to UGA…
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
by jokastrength on Jul 14, 2010 9:30 AM EDT up reply actions
the way you're using 'much' seems superfluous
“University of Georgia requires a combined SAT score of 1150 or an overall ACT score of at least 24. The average freshman has a 3.65 high school GPA. Georgia Tech has the highest test score requirements: a minimum SAT score of 590 in English and 650 in math or a 25 on the ACT. The average freshman has a 3.72 high school GPA.”
UNC Doesn't Have Engineering Either
http://inthebleachers.net
by InTheBleachers on Jul 14, 2010 7:08 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
AD is a drunk
Your former AD was impaired on a given evening but he obviously performed his assigned duties as AD with some degree of proficiency. It’s funny how a man’s value can be sent to the sh.tter with one mistake. Not one of us knows the pressures Mr. Evans lived under either professionally or domestically yet so many seem comfortable sitting in judgement. Let the man who has never driven while tipsy with somewhat sticky fingers cast the first aspersion. It’s the stuff of Tuesday afternoon staff meeting fantasy. Go Damon! (ugly chick though).
I was just trying to give an unimaginative Tech fan a starting point.
With 2 Sugar Bowl victories, 2 SEC Championships, and a slew of season-ending top 10 rankings under Mark Richt, I also don’t believe we’ve underachieved relative to talent.
Don’t get your jorts in a wad:)
Agreed
There was no dart aimed at you on the issue of judgement. I simply take issue with the mooing herd so ready to condemn with so little understanding. I believe UGA has underachieved relative to talent and I sincerely hope that it continues. Lastly, if I am seen in public wearing jorts, may I be prosecuted more vigorously than Damon Evans. I have more respect for my fellow man.
i would like to posit that
no true techie has ever been convicted of ‘riding dirty’ in quite the way you are suggesting. (Midtown ain’t Gainesville, bra)
MaconDawg was surely referencing the nerd’s well-documented distaste for ‘sticky fingers.’
-fouls up the keyboard don’cha know?
Breathes there such a creature?
I suppose my life would have been much simpler if I had cuddled with a keyboard but I am struggling here, latenight ride-tipsy-panties in hand-disorderly female—-keyboard? I guess that’s why I work for them.
Screw him and his pressures
Driving drunk with a mistress in the car is not an acceptable way to handle pressure. Clearly he was not cut out for his position. What really makes him scum was the way he tried to use his position to get off. A real piece of crap and fans looks like crap for defending this scumbag.
O.K. Princess
1. I never said it was acceptable.
2. Way too complicated for you and I to answer.
3. He tried to use his position to avoid arrest, he was using entirely something else to get off.
4. I am not a fan of Damon Evans or UGA and if I look like crap, I can handle it.
5. If you reach Damon Evan’s age and have done everything acceptably,post back and I will stand corrected.
it's funny bc...
he’s a moonjacket. i always knew those Techies were from somewhere else.
-you know, besides their parent’s basements.
Wait...wait...
Slow down for me; I’m confused. Which one of you guys wears the jorts?
"God dammit, Donald"
by DougoUConnPlaysFootball? on Jul 12, 2010 8:31 PM EDT up reply actions
Well played, sir. Well played.
That one week is conveniently the only week of the year that Rutgers fans have the class to even bother wearing something even vaguely resembling pants.
/checksforRUfansonEDSBS
//findsnone
///breathessighofrelief
"God dammit, Donald"
by DougoUConnPlaysFootball? on Jul 12, 2010 11:07 PM EDT up reply actions
Speaking of lame, tired, overused jokes:
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
I believe Myles also got a MIP
"Orators are most vehement when their cause is weak" Marcus Tullius Cicero
by Stuck in the Plains on Jul 12, 2010 4:57 PM EDT reply actions
Seriously, if going to Bojangles at odd times is . . .
illegal then lock me up and throw away the key.
Damn straight.
The BoBerry Biscuit is outstanding, and warranted many a trip to the Bojangles on Atlanta Highway in Athens (which is a long damn way from Athens proper).
by hailtogeorgia on Jul 12, 2010 6:50 PM EDT up reply actions
My love for Bojangles runs deep
In fact, I was the first paying customer at the Atlanta highway Bojangles at 5am on opening day.
During exam week at UGA, my dorm would always get hundreds of chicken biscuits from chick-fil-a and serve them at midnight. But after Bojangle’s opened, they decided to change it up. Normally students would have to line up early to get a chick-fil-a biscuit, but Bojangles turned a lot of people off. They also split it between Southern filet (tasteless) and Cajun filet (delicious) biscuits. The people who stuck around mostly went for the Southern filet, leaving me with as many Cajun filet biscuits as I could possibly consume. I’m at half mast just thinking about it….
by QuietHourBackflips on Jul 13, 2010 11:28 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
LSU...
…slipping out of the top ten? And no longer in the top third of the SEC? Come on, guys! Someone needs to start a barfight at Fred’s.
Fake Pundit. Real Fan.
And The Valley Shook!
Paul Finebaum was creating a SEC Barfight seeding for his new reality show
Tennessee was first obviously, then UGA, Florida, South Carolina, and then I didn’t catch the rest. Vanderbilt was last, unsurprisingly.
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Jul 12, 2010 6:05 PM EDT up reply actions
Just wait till JaMarcus cops a plea and wears a wire to get at the Baton Rouge underground drank cartel
/Envisions Grimace and McDonaldland crossover with The Wire
//Probably because I just hit the "Tussin
///Has a cold. Shut up.
"Got a bill that's big enough to twist the Tiger's tail. Husked some corn and made those SORRY HUSKERS BAIL!"
by KennyGregoryRockThaCradle on Jul 13, 2010 2:12 AM EDT up reply actions
Its not a DUI
…if the sun is up. Weed possession, however, is still weed possession.
A Friendly reminder from the 1950’s way of thinking. #WeeeeeeeVodkaforlunch.
Word to the asterisk
I have considered taking a weekend road/drink trip to Athens just to see if my DUI skillz are up to the test. I’ve been driving (legally) drunk (but rarely impaired) in Atlanta on at least a weekly basis since the early ’80s, and been pulled over only once (talked my way out of sobriety check, but that was ’82 when things like that were WAY easier).
It could just be Atlanta, though; it’s hard to get a speeding ticket there, let alone a DUI. But I definitely drive better after four cocktails than most people drive while on the phone. WAY better.
Basically, driving drunk is like drinking, period. Don’t be a jerk about it. If you can drink without getting in arguments or falling down/spilling/puking, you can probably drink and drive, too.
#everylawsince1970ispcbullshit
Kids, this is a good example of what not to do.
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Jul 12, 2010 9:04 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Tis also a friendly reminder that drunk posting is just a little less dangerous than drunk driving...
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
by cantcatchuf on Jul 12, 2010 11:11 PM EDT up reply actions
Umm...really?
Mr. [Golden Hand], what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
by hailtogeorgia on Jul 13, 2010 2:44 PM EDT up reply actions
I'll give him credit for one thing, at least.
I think it’s likely I’m more attentive and have at least adequate response time after drinking enough to blow a .09 than most people are who are talking on the phone.
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