Brilliance.

I also assume that the Michigan State QB has problems with alcohol.

Always at least one Samoan linebacker at all times. Roster requirement. See Tatupu, Maualuga, Moala.

I am saddened.

WR with hands of clay.

Kicker named Colquitt. There must be a whole clan of Kicking Colquitts up in the hills of east Tennessee, tending the moonshine still and practicing chip-shot field goals.

FSU? Choking FG kicker

Fuck me that was too easy and dumb…Fine.

Texas A&M – Heralded QBs whose careers are a flop except for then they take teh field against Texas.

I still hate you…
so predictable….
so little arm strength…
so many INTs…
so much booze to forget…not working

All somewhat quick, but not lightning fast. Each one is average sized, meaning there’s no great short yardage back. Also, the RB-by-committee completely deprives any of them of yardage and TDs.

ALIASES: Thomas Brown, Kregg Lumpkin, Danny Ware, Washaun Ealey, Caleb King, Richard Samuel, any black RB not named Knowshon Moreno

Benjamin Watson, Randy McMichael, Leonard Pope, Orson Charles

Cris Carter, Terry Glenn, David Boston, Santonio Holmes, Ted Ginn Jr, Anthony Gonzales, Brian Robiskie, Brian Hartline.

Or you could go the DB route – Shawn Springs, Antoine Winfield, Nate Clements, Ahmed Plummer, Mike Doss, Chris Gamble, Malcolm Jenkins. We also brought you Jack Tatum, for what its worth.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/System_quarterback

Joe loves field goals. He’d rather kick 7 field goals then score 3 TD’s. Sure they’re worth the same number of points, but it just FEELS better when you got them in 3 point increments; after sustaining 80 yard drives, who wants to punch it in? Kick the fucker and be done with it. If not for a savvy coaching staff, FG attempts on 3rd down would be regular occurances. Because Joe loves field goals so much, naturally he loves his field goal kickers. They’re steady, they’re money inside the 35, and they’ll score more points then any other kicker in B10 history. They’ll go on to be the highest paid NFL kicker of all time.

“Stocky” Louisiana-native defensive tackle who could double as a midget-wrestler or bodybuilder. He may be of nebulous professional potential but still manages to torpedo opposing running games and draw rampant chop-blockage by offensive linemen at least a foot taller than him.

Aliases include: Glenn Dorsey, Kyle Williams, Chad Lavalais, Anthony “Booger” McFarland, Henry Thomas, Fred Miller and Ronnie Estay.

Fair-skinned white guys who play skill/speed positions, such as WR, RB, DB, where there are otherwise no white guys effectively starting at these spots anywhere else in FBS (other than BYU).

Matt O’Hanlon, Tom Rathman, Rex Burkhead, Matt Davison, Todd Peterson, Nate Swift, Eric Crouch (running QB) Scott Frost (running QB and NFL safety).

Next in the stable: receiver prospect Mike Nobler!

….not literally, with one exception.

Mike Rozier (NJ,) Lawrence Phillips (Arkansas,) Ken Clark (Alabama,) Derek Brown (California,) Roger Craig (Iowa,)

Notable exception: Ahman Green, a native of Nebraska. Really.

BTW, don’t you need to include Thunder Collins (Ontario)*

• Actual murderer

Africa Black
75% of MSU offense
Only MSU offensive player on team with shot at NFL

This may stretch the limits of the position-specific intent of the post, but it bears mentioning on the sheer strength of Musburger love alone. We’re talking, of course, about the young man who grew up in a tractor cab (who may have actually been conceived in a tractor cab)* in a town of less than 1,000 people, listening to Nebraska games on the radio (quite possibly during the moment of conception) and dreaming of the day when he, too, will run out of the locker room into the fabled “Sea of Red.” He grew up playing 8-man football or, in earlier decades, 6-man football (although this particular strain of STCFWO is just as likely to play basketball at NU, which explains a lot), which Brent Musburger will mention at least once per quarter when said player makes a tackle, throws a block, catches/throws a pass or scores a touchdown or any combination of the four.

This is not to insinuate that playing time is a statistical identifier for this particular player: he can be an All-American or he could be buried so far down the depth chart that the only people applauding his name at Senior Day are his parents (from their 85th row seats). As a matter of fact, given the sheer percentage of STCFWOs at Nebraska over the years, we’re probably talking about some vast cloning facility buried underground in Cherry County, and thus we’re looking at the Nebraska football equivalent of the Clone Wars. What, you thought Steve Pederson got fired? Hell, naw – it was Tom Osborne executing Order 66.**

• But probably not born there. We do let the wimmin-folk do their birthin’ in a proper hospital/veterinary clinic/heated stable.
  • Why, yes, Osborne is both Palpatine and Yoda – is that so hard to understand?

Mike Miller
Joey Getherall
Golden Tate
Roby Toma

Penn State is also White Linebacker U.

the five star athlete that will eventually transfer or be kicked off the team in a drug/theft/murder related incident

Way too many to name them all. Ian Gold, Lamar Woodley, Brackins……please add the rest!

I’m not shocked this list didn’t include Gator quarterbacks who dominate the SEC, then become a pantload in the NFL – Steve Spurrier, Kerwin Bell, Shane Matthews, Danny Wuerrfel, Rex Grossman…and guess who is next?

Yeah, just noticed that somebody else already hit the Florida thing…but look at how lucky Purdue has been with quarterbacks – Len Dawson, Bob Griese, Mike Phipps, Mark Hermann, Kyle Orton, and Drew Brees. How the hell did they go from a list like that to Curtis Fucking Painter and Joey “What’s Footbaul?” Elliot?

this also translates well to basketball ala Devan Downey.

Maurice Deshazo
Erik Chapman
Michael Vick
Bryan Randall
Marcus Vick
SEAN GLENNON
Tyrod Taylor

Who doesn’t fit here?