TURNER GILL BANS CURSING AT KANSAS
by Spencer Hall on Mar 16, 2010 4:13 PM EDT
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PrintTurner Gill, motherfucking football coach, has fuckin' banned profanity at the University of Kansas' motherfucking football practices.
"Shit," said one player asked about the policy change. "Don't fuckin' quote me on that."
Gill, hired during a real piss-shitter of a coaching search to replace fat fucking bastard Mark Mangino, is being paid a shitload of money to take over a Kansas program worth jackshit prior to Mangino's positively fucking huge ass putting the fucking program on the goddamn college football map. Mangino was totally fucking fired for being a dick to his players, accusing them of being total fucking losers, and generally being an asswipe of immense fucking magnitude.
Gill is fucking seeking a break from that culture, and it's totally fucking understandable.
"It probably doesn’t have to be this way," Gill said during a recent speech in Lawrence, in response to a question about how he selected his assistant coaches, "but I decided that I was not going to hire anybody who was going to be cursing and using that type of language. We are here to develop these people as young men, so we don’t need to do that."
"Fucking-A," said Kansas Governor Mark Parkinson. "We're all about family values and all that shit here in Kansas, and it's real damn hard to do that shit when you're too busy throwing the f-word around. You know, 'fuck.", and not fist-fucking, because that's a common fucking misunderstanding depending on the bitches you're talking to. Right fuckin' on, Coach Gill. Way to be a motherfucker in charge."
Other boosters and Kansas alumni totally fucking echoed the decision.
"Shit yeah i like it," said one booster who didn't want us to print his goddamn name in the fucking article. "Turner's dick-slapping this program into shape like no other motherfucker could. He's totally showing what fucking balls he has. Hell, I'll stop fucking cussing if he wants me to. That's just how fucking inspiring he is."
Gill made the remarks at some fucking Leadership Lawrence meeting kind of shit. The goddamn Jayhawks start their fucking spring practice on March 21st.
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No respect for the fucking language...
Unbelievable how the first ammendment is being fucked in Lawrence.
Just wait until he bans football players from drinking
and sinks the entire Lawrence economy in the process.
Re: Mangino
“…an asswipe of immense fucking magnitude”
Literally, figuratively or both?
Because I thought everything about the man was “of immense fucking magnitude”
by Alex P in Smyrna G on Mar 16, 2010 4:31 PM EDT reply actions
please tell me...
ole miss admiral ackbar’s cruisers can’t repel firepower of that immense fucking magnitude
by NittanyJackets on Mar 16, 2010 5:36 PM EDT up reply actions
"Or as every word in the sentence"
“Fuck the Fucking Fuckers”
"I'm colonel cool! And I'm the captain on this rocket to the stars!"
Do you secretly write for the Onion?
Great work, but I saw a comment earlier about you writing like the Onion stories. That’s the first thing that popped into my head. Damn you commenter!
Go Bulls!
The 2007 Georgia/Florida Summary was better
by formerlyanonymous on Mar 16, 2010 4:57 PM EDT reply actions
We prefer the 2008 entry.
Just one long “fuck you” from start to finish.
by Spencer Hall on Mar 16, 2010 5:00 PM EDT up reply actions
2007 was your crowning moment...
"Hush now, let it go now. I know it's time to go. Time to let this fall from my hands" VNV Nation, "From My Hands"
by Stuck in the Plains on Mar 16, 2010 5:42 PM EDT up reply actions
Please don't bring that up again...
… I still can’t think about Wilford Brimley without doing a full-body shiver.
by vineyarddawg on Mar 16, 2010 5:00 PM EDT up reply actions
Now, he just needs to hire Jon "Fuckin'" Tenuta away from N.C. State
(maniacal laughter)
Shit," said one player asked about the policy change. "Don't fuckin' quote me on that."
That is the funniest fucking shit I have ever fucking read.
First abortion, now cursing?!?
2 of my 3 favorite activities are now banned in Kansas.
Thank God meth-fueled gay bashing is still okie-doke.
by Jack Fact on Mar 16, 2010 5:11 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
I was kidding about that last part, of course
My third favorite activity is dancing with the preacher’s daughter.
Evolving has to be up on that list of banned Kansas activity
I mean, who doesn’t love to evolve?
by formerlyanonymous on Mar 16, 2010 5:16 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Texas.
"Here are our top priorities: recruit, beat Missouri, recruit, win the North, recruit, win the Big 12, and in most cases if you win the Big 12 then you're playing for a National Championship. And then we're going to recruit."
by KennyGregoryRockThaCradle on Mar 17, 2010 8:13 AM EDT up reply actions
Sonuvabitch!
Why couldn’t KU come to Norman this year? Guess I’ll have to save it all up for Tuberville Tech.
by Billy Sims' Fro on Mar 16, 2010 5:53 PM EDT reply actions
Respectable.
Motherfucking respectable.
by Infield Elephant on Mar 16, 2010 6:38 PM EDT reply actions
I’ve never heard a group of people use G.D. more than Mid-westerners. Every other word is G.D.
It’s like they’re throwing around “motherfucker.”
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Mar 16, 2010 6:50 PM EDT reply actions
As a Jayhawks fan I am deeply offended
just kidding, this fucking post was fucking awesome, per usual.
Beadlemaniacs - Award winning* college basketball blog (new and improved!)
Olympics!
Rahm Emanuel is not amused
Nor am I. This is fucking bullshit.
"You ain’t as hot as I is / all of these false prophets is not messiahs /
You don’t know how high the sky is / the square mileage of earth or what pi is." - Nas
(By the policy, not the article)
The article was fucking awesome, and I was, in fact, amused by it.
"You ain’t as hot as I is / all of these false prophets is not messiahs /
You don’t know how high the sky is / the square mileage of earth or what pi is." - Nas
Gill:The Anti-Fat Bastard
The FB at work
Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs
CUNT.
Just thought this was missing something.
_________________
I'm Banana dammit!!!
by BurritoBrosShits on Mar 16, 2010 8:04 PM EDT reply actions
Goddamn In-fucking-credible
Next will come the Ovaltine for those fine lads.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
Sorry
Sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing so I’ll sort that out. You are a boring coaching F, star, star, CUNT!
Can you hear this, Denver, or shall I turn it up for you?
Turner
is a fucking legend to me and all my motherfucking fellow Husker fans, but god damn he just went down a couple points on the fucking cool-o-meter.
Hadoken!!
i wonder
how will he handle the RIP HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF
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