A WORD ON GENE CHIZIK, THE NOT VERY GOOD GOOD COACH

Someone is going to follow up on this, sir

Being born without certain assets does suck. We've never been good-looking, and weren't born rich, and these two things would have made growing up way, way easier. We did luck out in other ways: a solid B plus in intelligence, a stable home, a sense of humor, a complete lack of athletic ability (thus sparing us the indignity of even trying,) and the ability to take a punch (if not deliver one ever with any effectiveness.)

We had a skill set that precluded any real hard work, and it's likely that many of you did, too. In lieu of these assets, you have a few options: 

a.) Hard work. 

b.) Crime. 

c.) Admitting your shortcomings, and asking for help. 

d.) Some combination of the aforementioned three.

This last point brings us logically enough to Gene Chizik. 

 

You are as much a product of your ability to recognize good talent as you are of the personal possession thereof, and in few other professions is this so true as in coaching. Urban Meyer is currently enduring this season because of his good personnel decisions--the spirited-away souls of Dan Mullen, Billy Gonzales, Doc Holliday, and Charlie Strong--and his miscalculations in the same department (Addazio, Steve.)  Mark Richt squandered years of credit by hiring a defensive coordinator with deep faith in the ten-yard cushion, Willie Martinez. (Ten-yard cushion where, you ask? At every position.) Mack Brown has a list of defensive coordinators twenty deep and growing just in case Will Muschamp leaves. (Every Texas fan reading this poops their pants. Just a little bit, but enough to require a visit home.) 

Chizik was one of those at one point, and is humbly executing the Mack Brown plan at Auburn with sterling results to this point. It's not been done in a foolproof matter: Ted Roof is the defensive coordinator, and this explains why Auburn's secondary will, from time to time, run to the sideline in the middle of a play yelling "Ice cream! IIIICEEE CREAAAAAM!" It's not that Ted Roof is a bad coach, it's just that he loves his players so much he gives them ice cream sandwiches after big plays, and then they're slow by the end of the game and lagging on and off the field, and whoops there goes two long TDs in the fourth quarter but hey guys ICE CREAAAAAAM--

Some people love too much, and Ted Roof is one of them. 

Gene Chizik hired him. He also hired Guz Malzahn, though, whose offense is the latest won't work, high-school, gimmicky trick offense to stand no chance of working in the SEC that (of course) now leads the league in offense. He hired super-recruiter and towel connoisseur Trooper Taylor. No one's sure what he does besides wave a towel and recruit, but he does that very, very well. When confronted with his own shortcomings, he chose options a.) and c.) from above, got a bit lucky with a fantastic recruit called Cam Newton, and is poised for a legitimate run at a spot in the SEC title game. 

"GIVE US GILL...BRADY HOKE, ANYONE. FIVE AND NINETEEN."  Just savor the rich irony of that guy, in 2008 and forever preserved on the internet for all to hear, demanding the employ of Turner Gill rather than Chizik, a man who after Iowa State clearly recognized what all undertooled men must: that he needed help, and would hire it with a checkbook and the eye of someone who could recognize those who had what he lacked: the ability to build a football team by himself, something no one man can do anymore.* 

*The exception to this is all too obvious. 

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