And for the record, Reggie F Nelson was held on the opening kickoff.

This is where random comments go-have at it.

This is the portrait of Baldassare Castiglione, as rendered by Raphael.

Baldassare was a merchant. He commissioned the painting for his family because, being an ambassador and man of politics in 15th and 16th century Italy meant two things: one, possibly being stabbed or poisoned, and two, being away for periods of time we would associate with a disappearance or unsolved murder. The painting could help his family deal with his absence when he was gone, and in his words “and thus cheat the long days.”

Tonight’s game will be the last college football game for months. Tonight, the last ember of this season dies just as the weather-unseasonably warm across much of the country-will likely turn cold, leaving you with the shards of memories to pick up and eight full months of reality to fill. Consider, for a moment, though, just how miraculous even a single game and the accompanying activities are:

Tonight, a player of relatively mediocre talent may, in a happy accident of firing synapses and quick twitch muscle fibers, burn his image indelibly into the memory banks of onlookers both real and virtual with a single act of fortuititous timing and kismet. (more…)

Feel the hot vibes of the Sega Genesis Analysis with our take on the Ohio State offense, presented in 16-bit sex below:

The Ohio State Offense…in SegaVision!

Keep in mind that we relied on found images here, so the formation is by no means indicative of Ohio State’s complete offense. The formation shown edges stodgy for this year’s model of the Buckeyes, actually-see attached notes for additional personnel of great import. And when we said that TE Rory Nicol resembled Rex Grossman’s meaner, bigger younger brother, we meant it:

Hey, um, Rex…can I borrow the Carrera? Gotta buy some jerky. We’re out.

Much thanks to Brian for his beta on this, and again for Donnie on setting it up. The apes in the EDSBS office are happy yet again.

There’s only one carcass to feed off today, vultures. And it’s got our team in it. The roundup of the reekingest bits of carrion from around the wilds of the internets.

-A judge in Columbus freed up space in the budgets of 34 people convicted of general Buckeye-themed mayhem after the Michigan game in November by sentencing them to community service on Monday, January 8th. For the calendar-impaired, that’s today, meaning they’ll be picking up monkey poo at the zoo instead of chugging Southpaw Lite in the parking lot at Glendale. Subcommandante Wayne says he’s bummed, especially because he’s going to have to take the bus thanks to Mom needing the Grand Am.

The Subcommandante: bummed about cleaning the tiger cage, missing first quarter because of the slowass bus ‘n shit.

-SMQ has been on this game like Sweatervest on sweatervests. Read it all because he is a genius-Orwell with a football problem. We cannot write it any clearer: if you do not like this man’s writing, you may feed yourself arm first into the garbage disposal without objection from us.

-Mike Wise waxes poetic on Tim Tebow…

Running like a fawn out of the womb, his legs and arms all agape and only green in front in him, Tebow is the golden child. He is the train in the distance, the majestic locomotive capable of transporting Florida’s alumni and students to a utopian place in the sport.

…and blows the smattering of boos Chris Leak got in the Kentucky game to hyperbolic proportions, confirming the stereotype that any and all stories told by 90% of major columnists must be rendered in Manichean terms even Mel Gibson would identify as “unsubtle.” All the column’s missing is a few human sacrifices and a vivisected Leak in a kilt screaming “FREEDOM” at the end.

-Todd Jones (not of Rollbamaroll, but of the Columbus Dispatch) reminds Buckeye fans that they may have never enjoyed success on the scale they’re enjoying now. Mr. Jones was beaten into a coma by the ghost of Woody Hayes shortly after typing this.

-The St. Pete Times’s special section on the game is busting at the seams with content. Unsurprisingly for fans of the mightiest mid-major paper in the nation, it’s mostly high-grade stuff, including the piece on Mr. Two Bits and their own Factor Sixish preview.

Dorks on parade? Sure. But at least they got free tickets, and you don’t.

-Buckeye Commentary’s posted a detailed position analysis where, shock of shocks, they point out to the masses that the Florida offense does not completely suck.

We’re trying to do this for each side in the game: a position-by-position review of the players who will ultimately determine the outcome tonight.

It’s difficult to find an interesting picture approximating exact formations, so bear with us. Keep in mind that wideouts may move around, and that we may have in our frenzy completely gotten a position wrong.

With that, here’s part one of the Sega Genesis BCS Breakdown:

The Gator Offense, Position by Position.

Thanks to Donnie, without whom this blog would not exist in such gloriously rendered fashion, who put these together for us. We’re still waiting for the monolith to come down and show us how to log into AOL.

The EDSBS offices when Donnie’s not around.

We’re republishing this because we put it up on Sunday, and the thing was nasty to put together. The opening and closing music is “Morris Brown” by Outkast, which should have you dusting off your finest Christopher Walken dance moves in your office.

Orson brings you something heretofore unseen on EDSBS: a podcast that runs less than thirty minutes in length.

We cover the Gators in the title game with guests Bruce Feldman of ESPN.com and ESPN the magazine, Andy Staples of the Tampa Tribune, and Brian Cook of Mgoblog and AOL’s Fanhouse.

MORE MEAT! LESS FAT! Enjoy.

The EDSBS Podcast: now with more meat! HA-ha. Gay undertones.

MP3 File

In a move surprising exactly no one, Bobby Petrino is leaving the Louisville Cardinals and heading to the NFL, which in all media descriptions will have “pastures” described as greener. (If this makes coaches cattle, we’re all for it. [NAME REDACTED]’s the bull over there ramming the barn over and over again for no reason.)

Lucrative…contract…mooooo….