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WHAT ARE THESE MEN HEARING

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P.S. PLEASE STOP PLAYING NEUTRAL SITE GAMES THEY ARE MOSTLY BAD

“DESPITE YOUR ATTORNEY’S ARGUMENTS, THE JUDGE DOES NOT ACCEPT THAT DENTISTRY CAN BE DONE BY UNLICENSED AMATEURS”
  1. When your claim is denied because ‘Shark attack’ is not a valid or insurable cause for a boat to burn down in the middle of a freshwater lake
  2. When Jeremy Pruitt is NOT the father
  3. When there’s salad
  4. When the Jason Aldean concert’s cancelled
  5. When the dude on the right’s bodycam footage means the man on the left is gonna take a huge and unavoidable L in court
  6. When the video reveals you ARE the infamous Knoxville Street Pooper after all
  7. When you both remember you’re skipping two of college football’s best in-stadium environments to play a game in the Panthers’ stadium in Charlotte, a thing that keeps happening because universities make more money off these games even though attendance can be spotty for the good ones and will be downright bad for this one, because who the hell is going to Charlotte for business, much less for pleasure or recreation
  8. We mean come on, Virginia Tech and Tennessee just got done playing a game in the middle of one of NASCAR’s most iconic tracks, if there is going to be a neutral-site game between West Virginia and Tennessee it should happen in as good or better a place like Gatlinburg, the deck of an aircraft carrier somewhere, or in the parking lot of a Dollar General somewhere in the Appalachians in college football’s first game played on asphalt. Something, anything besides “Show up to where Cam Newton get concussed twice weekly in front of a five thousand angry finance admins” because no site is more blandly neutral than Charlotte, especially when compared with the howling redneck riot ranches both teams claim as home fields. It’s objectively bad but it makes for something both teams and conferences might actually listen to when we say: it makes bad television. Stop it, if only because it hurts your bottom line (i.e. making TV sports shows for huge networks.)
  9. When someone talks shit about energy drinks
  10. When the lab tests show your special home-brewed IPA “Call of Duty: Black Hops” really did give the whole block botulism

(Via)