CREATE YOUR OWN BOWL GAME

The regular season wrapped up this past weekend, and Sunday evening, we entered the most exciting time of the college football year: bowl season!

It’s not just the College Football Playoff or the New Year’s Six bowls; teams from up and down the ranks of FBS found out where they’d be going amongst the 39 bowl games, from the lowliest (The Bahamas Bowl) to what I assume is the most prestigious based on the teams they chose (The Military Bowl).

Sadly, not everyone will be living out their hard-earned bowl dreams this winter, though. 82 teams finished the season with a record of 6-6 or better, and with only 78 slots available, four teams were left out: Miami of Ohio, Louisiana-Monroe, Wyoming and Southern Miss.

This doesn’t seem fair to me, and it doesn’t seem fair that there might be a Tuesday afternoon in late December where I actually have to do work instead of watching an illegal stream of two bad teams playing a bad game in a high-school stadium in the Mid-South. It also doesn’t seem fair to YOU, the fan of a mediocre-to-bad mid-major team, who deserves the personal pride and sense of accomplishment that comes from your team playing in a prestigious postseason exhibition game.

So here’s my modest proposal: let’s hastily slap together some more bowl games. Let’s let the 6-6 teams live! Hell, let’s not stop there! Let’s bring in everyone, all the way from 5-7 Kansas State (don’t we owe Bill Snyder one last ride) to Connecticut (Randy Edsall gets a bonus!).

[clapping on each syllable] Let’s. Make. More. Bowls.

“But, Mr. Cookbook, there’s no time! We don’t have anything organized! We don’t have a title sponsor, or a location, or a weirdly-vague theme that doesn’t have anything to do with the title sponsor or location?”

Ah, I anticipated this. That’s why I’ve put together this handy bowl generator. Take a look, and you’ll find your very own personalized bowl game!

Heck, then we don’t even need to have the game. You can just tell people we had it.

GUY [mocking you]: “Hey, man, what bowl game are the Louisville Cardinals playing in this year?”

YOU [one step ahead, has these charts]: “Why, they play in the Raytheon Destin Protein Bowl, against Pitt.”

GUY [defeated]: “Wow, okay, that sounds wrong, but I’m not gonna check. Later, I guess.”

YOU [relieved]: “That almost got sticky. Thanks, Every Day Should Be Saturday!”

Let’s take a look!