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CREATE YOUR OWN BOWL GAME

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THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH BOWL GAMES, AND I’M HERE TO HELP

The regular season wrapped up this past weekend, and Sunday evening, we entered the most exciting time of the college football year: bowl season!

It’s not just the College Football Playoff or the New Year’s Six bowls; teams from up and down the ranks of FBS found out where they’d be going amongst the 39 bowl games, from the lowliest (The Bahamas Bowl) to what I assume is the most prestigious based on the teams they chose (The Military Bowl).

Sadly, not everyone will be living out their hard-earned bowl dreams this winter, though. 82 teams finished the season with a record of 6-6 or better, and with only 78 slots available, four teams were left out: Miami of Ohio, Louisiana-Monroe, Wyoming and Southern Miss.

This doesn’t seem fair to me, and it doesn’t seem fair that there might be a Tuesday afternoon in late December where I actually have to do work instead of watching an illegal stream of two bad teams playing a bad game in a high-school stadium in the Mid-South. It also doesn’t seem fair to YOU, the fan of a mediocre-to-bad mid-major team, who deserves the personal pride and sense of accomplishment that comes from your team playing in a prestigious postseason exhibition game.

So here’s my modest proposal: let’s hastily slap together some more bowl games. Let’s let the 6-6 teams live! Hell, let’s not stop there! Let’s bring in everyone, all the way from 5-7 Kansas State (don’t we owe Bill Snyder one last ride) to Connecticut (Randy Edsall gets a bonus!).

[clapping on each syllable] Let’s. Make. More. Bowls.

“But, Mr. Cookbook, there’s no time! We don’t have anything organized! We don’t have a title sponsor, or a location, or a weirdly-vague theme that doesn’t have anything to do with the title sponsor or location?”

Ah, I anticipated this. That’s why I’ve put together this handy bowl generator. Take a look, and you’ll find your very own personalized bowl game!

Heck, then we don’t even need to have the game. You can just tell people we had it.

GUY [mocking you]: “Hey, man, what bowl game are the Louisville Cardinals playing in this year?”

YOU [one step ahead, has these charts]: “Why, they play in the Raytheon Destin Protein Bowl, against Pitt.”

GUY [defeated]: “Wow, okay, that sounds wrong, but I’m not gonna check. Later, I guess.”

YOU [relieved]: “That almost got sticky. Thanks, Every Day Should Be Saturday!”

Let’s take a look!