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SIGNIFICANT DIGITS IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL THIS WEEKEND

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WHAT HAPPENED, BY THE NUMBERS

Happy Monday! It was another exciting weekend of action across college football. You know, numerology is a bit of a hobby of ours around here, and so we thought it might be fun to crack a little deeper into some of the underlying numbers from Week 5 of the 2018 season.

For instance:

0: Fourth-quarter pass attempts this season by Tua Tagovailoa, who may try to be the first player to win the Heisman in three quarters of play

17: Passing touchdowns by Oklahoma’s Kyler Murray, who might have something to say about the last item

663: Yards per game being surrendered by the Connecticut Huskies so far this season

659: Yards surrendered by the Connecticut Huskies in Week 5

Huh, I wonder who they were playing

5: Weeks we are into the 2018 College Football Season

We already discussed that one.

5: Rushing touchdowns scored in a particular American Conference game Saturday

Which one, and by whom?

5: Seasons Randy Edsall coached at Maryland before he got fired and I made a joke about it and he blocked me on Twitter

5: Likelihood, on a scale of one to five, that Randy Edsall will block you if you make a joke on Twitter about how he’s a bad football coach

Huh, we’re seeing that one number a lot, I wonder why it’s so importa-

[the music to Van Halen’s “Right Now” begins]

Don’t want to wait ‘til SMU

Why put it off until Tulane

One more walk through Huskies

Randy Edsall’s all that stood in our way

Well those aren’t the regular lyrics to that song!

Went four and eight, missed a bowl game

In consecutive football seasons

Make future plans, don’t dwell about Tuberville, hey

C’mon turn, turn this thing around

Oh I think I see what he’s doing here now, it’s like a Weird Al thing

FIVE WINS, hey

It’s Cincinnati

Right now,

C’mon, it’s fiiiiiive wins

You see, the Cincinnati Bearcats, in defeating Connecticut 49-7 on Saturday, achieved their fifth win of the season.

FIVE WINS,

Catch a magic moment, do it

Five wins and oh

It means everything

CHILI (1)

Five also represents the ideal structure of a delicious regionally-beloved dish containing (1) spaghetti, (2) chili, (3) sharp Wisconsin cheddar cheese, (4) red kidney beans and (5) diced white onions

Miss the Big East, you lose the BCS

And nothing falls into place, no

Missed out on realignment

Slipped a little off your pace, oh

Back to the wins, however, this is significant, as in the previous two seasons, the Cincinnati Bearcats had not been able to win five games, instead having gone 4-8 in both seasons.

The more wins you get, the more you want

We’re gonna make a shitty bowl game

Workin’ so hard, to make this meme die, whoa

Come on Fick, turn this thing around

Some had speculated that the Bearcats might struggle again this season - a few even predicted them to go 4-8 again this season. But, with wins so far over a daunting early season schedle of UCLA, Miami of Ohio, Alabama A&M, Ohio, and Connecticut, that brings the 2018 team to-

FIVE WINS, hey

It’s Cincinnati

Right now,

C’mon, it’s fiiiiiive wins

That’s right.

FIVE WINS,

Catch a magic moment, do it

Five wins and oh

It means everything

Getty Images/iStockphoto

[dusting hands off] Well, surely that’ll put an end to that.