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KIRK HERBSTREIT BREAKS DOWN (THE WEEKEND)

WE JUST WANTED TO POST THE PIC REALLY

By Spencer Hall
RICH, SMOKY UNDERTONES
WHEN THE CHIPOTLE HITS

HELLO I AM KIRK HERBSTREIT AND I HAVE BEEN INJECTED WITH THE EXTREMIS STUFF FROM IRON MAN 3 THAT MAKES YOU EXPLODE

IT MAY ALSO BE DELICIOUS SKYLINE CHILI

IT’S HARD TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE

I BELIEVE THE ALABAMA AND FLORIDA STATE MATCHUP IS THE MOST INTRIGUING OF THE WEEKEND BECAUSE BOTH TEAMS COMBINE BLUE CHIP TALENT AND ALSO HAVE A LOT TO PROVE. ALABAMA HAS TO COME BACK FROM A DISAPPOINTING LOSS TO CLEMSON IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME LAST YEAR, WHILE FLORIDA STATE HAS TO RECLAIM ITS SPOT ATOP THE ACC. WHOEVER WINS THIS GAME WILL HAVE A LOT OF MOMENTUM GOING INTO THE REST OF THE SEASON

ISIS HAS KIDNAPPED ME, IRRITABLE SEPTIC INTESTINAL SPASMS, TIP YOUR WAITRESS, HELP

IMAGINE A THOUSAND TINY SOLDIERS ALL WEARING SHOES WITH BURNING SPIKES ON THE BOTTOM. THAT’S WHAT’S MARCHING THROUGH MY INSIDES RIGHT NOW. THE ONIONS. JESUS, THE ONIONS WERE A BAD CALL. THE SOLDIERS ALL HAVE DROP FOOT. THE SPIKES ARE ALL COVERED IN RUBBING ALCOHOL.

AAAAAAAHHHHH

THERE’S ALSO TENNESSEE/GEORGIA TECH, A REALLY INTRIGUING MATCHUP OF TWO TEAMS WITH BIG QUESTION MARKS ALL OVER THE FIELD. TENNESSEE’S PROBABLY THE FAVORITE, BUT DON’T UNDERESTIMATE PAUL JOHNSON’S ABILITY TO GET THE MOST OUT OF HIS ROSTER.

KANSAS STATE IS IN MY STOMACH AND THEY’RE RUNNING A 22 PLAY, 17 MINUTE, 99 YARD DRIVE ALL THE WAY TO THE ENDZONE. THEY’RE GOING FOR TWO, BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT. BILL SNYDER IS A GREAT PLAYCALLER BECAUSE JUST LIKE THIS MEAL HE CAN TAKE OTHERWISE SUSPECT INGREDIENTS AND REALLY PUT AN OPPONENT ON THE FLOOR IN SIXTY MINUTES. HE’S A CAGEY VETERAN, JUST LIKE LISTERIA.

GOD WHY

IT’S JUST ONE WEIRD-LOOKING SPOT BUT REALLY HE DOES LOOK LIKE HE JUST ATE RAW CHICKEN SUSHI IN A HOT CAR

ONE LAST THING, I REALLY LIKE THE VIRGINIA TECH/WEST VIRGINIA GAME. THE BIG THING MOST PEOPLE THINK OF WHEN THEY THINK OF VIRGINIA TECH ARE SPECIAL TEAMS, BUT UNDER JUSTIN FUENTE THEY’RE BECOMING A REAL OFFENSIVE THREAT. THEY’LL BE A REAL CHALLENGE FOR THE WEST VIRGINIA DEFENSE, AND THE WEST VIRGINIA OFFENSE WILL HAVE TO ANSWER AGAINST BUD FOSTER’S LUNCHPAIL DEFENSE.

MAKE SURE YOUR LUNCHPAIL KEEPS FOOD AT 40 DEGREES CONTINUOUSLY, AND THAT THE RESTAURANT YOU’RE EATING AT HAS A SOLID RATING FROM THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT. IT’S NOT GOLF. LOW IS BAD, F DOES NOT STAND FOR FRESH, AND CHEESE IS NOT A NATURAL DISINFECTANT NO MATTER WHAT THE GUY AT THE COUNTER SAYS.

WISCONSIN IS THE FARM WHERE LIES ARE GROWN

AAAAAAAHHHHHH

GONNA BE A GREAT SEASON

AAAAAHHHHHHHHH