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WHAT IS YOUR UGA QUARTERBACK NAME?

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JACOB JACOB THROWS FOR 400 YARDS AND THREE TOUCHDOWNS.

NCAA Football: Georgia at Tennessee
WHEN THERE ARE THREE OTHER JACOBS ON THE DEPTH CHART.
Randy Sartin-USA TODAY Sports

Playing quarterback at the University of Georgia carries with it sundry historical precedents, not least among them the nomenclatural lineage of incredibly boring, suburban, southern white boy names. There is of course the fecund territory of college lacrosse names — which betray at least a measure of creativity — and one register beneath them sit college baseball names. Perhaps two or three orders beneath those two taxonomies reside UGA quarterback names, the most banal item within the kingdom of college football.

That, by way of preamble, brings us around to this, a very astute observation by Jason Kirk:

THREE GEORGIA QUARTERBACK JACOBS. WOULD THAT WE WERE BLESSED TO LIVE IN SUCH A PERFECT UNIVERSE. BUT WE’RE NOT, BECAUSE GOD IS A CRUEL MASTER.

Anyway, that Georgia hasn’t already fielded, say, a Jacob White at quarterback is something of a college football miracle, notwithstanding the fact that the Dawgs have rostered in the fairly recent past a David Greene, Homer Thompson, Todd Williams, and Wayne Johnson. There is most definitely a future UGA quarterback out there named Jacob White. Maybe Jakob White. It doesn’t really matter, because it’s inevitable. He’ll play serviceable football on the way to another third-place finish in the SEC East. Go Dawgs.

I’ve waded into these waters before, but it’s important to ask — because it’s so phenomenally unimportant — what is your Georgia quarterback name? The criteria for praenomen and cognomen are as follows:

The reason being that there can be no flash, no flare here. You play quarterback at the University of Georgia, an utterly vanilla institution that sits in something like the Berkeley of the south. The Old Testament is an utterly boring document of human suffering, featuring the most retrograde, suburban names available to mankind. Something like a Joshua Ruth played quarterback at Georgia in 1981 and injured his shoulder trying to extend a play late in the Florida game. The Bulldogs somehow won, 26-21, but it was HARD FOUGHT, PAWL.

I’ve received some pretty impressive submissions on this, but Kirk’s stands atop the pile of faceless, worthless University of Georgia quarterback names.

We could massage this out to Jacob Jacobson or something similar and it would still perfectly scan due to its sheer unremarkableness. Aaron Murray, who’s a cashier at the Lawrenceville Kroger, would most certainly agree.

At any rate, what is your UGA quarterback name?