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WHY IS THE IOWA FIGHT SONG PLAYING CONSTANTLY IN THIS BUILDING

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SOME THEORIES

Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images

For seven hours a day, nearly every day for the last six months, the Iowa Fight Song has been playing on loop at some empty building in Niagara Falls. In case you're unfamiliar, these are the lyrics:

The word is "Fight! Fight! Fight! for IOWA,
Let every loyal Iowan sing;
The word is "Fight! Fight! Fight! for IOWA,"
Until the walls and rafters ring (Go Hawks!)
Come on and cheer, cheer, cheer, for IOWA
Come on and cheer until you hear the final gun.
The word is "Fight! Fight! Fight! for IOWA,"
And if you find someone on the Internet who isn't giving Iowa the credit it so richly deserves kidnap them and make it look like their spouse killed them and grind their bones into dust and make them into bread

A classic and stirring fight song, sure. But why is it playing in this vacant property all the damn time? Here are the possible answers.

1. The building's owner lost a bet.

This would be a logical reason to do this thing that drives other people in your neighborhood fucking crazy, but the timeline doesn't really add up. Six months ago would have been July 2015, way before Iowa's football season started and well after basketball season ended. It's not even a wrestling thing; I checked. Now, it could be payment for a wager unrelated to Iowa athletics. But that seems too speculative to settle on as the definitely answer.

2. A rival landlord in the area went to Iowa State.

The explanation that's the most satisfying until you start thinking about the miserable motherfucker who's dealing with winter near the Canadian border and getting musically tortured by this asshole and all he has to look forward to is CYCLONES FOOTBALL. I imagine this man or woman has called the police dozens of times, begging them to do something, never getting any relief. This reality is too horrible for me to accept as possible, much less likely.

3. The building is haunted by the ghost of an Iowa fan.

Nice, but consider this:

4. The building itself is a sentient Iowa fan.

AND IT'S GOING TO KEEP DOING THIS UNTIL THE SYRACUSE BUILDING DOWN THE BLOCK WINS SOMETHING OF FUCKING CONSEQUENCE YOU SELF IMPORTANT PARKING GARAGE.