A new front in the never-ending arms race between college football's top programs was opened late last week, when the Oklahoma Sooners announced that, with revised NCAA rules now allowing them to provide their athletes with unlimited snacks, they would be purchasing a food truck.
No innovation lasts long before becoming the law of the land, though. In fact, we've already uncovered plans by many other programs to join in this food truck race. Let's take a look!
Try the tastiest tacos in the ACC at Taco Swinney's! Favorites include the Howard's rock shrimp taco, and the Danny Fordita! (Warning: customers have reported unexpectedly crapping the bed as a side effect.)
Mike Leach steps up to the grill with Swing Your Sword Mongolian/Brazilian Grill! What's that? You want a sit-down seating area? Yeah, it's over there in that shed, smartmouth.
It's Saigon via Youngstown at Pho Pelini! The broth is anger-based.
(Gonna head off any pedants in the comments here: I know how Pho is supposed to be pronounced, but I'm from Ohio and my internal wiring makes me pronounce things wrong regardless. Bo's from Ohio, too, so I'm gonna take the safe bet and say he says it that way too.)
All these other schools, they're only asking what the players want. Nobody's out here thinking about their moms, asking them how they feel, what they want. Coach Kliff knows, ma'am. [wipes brow] Sure is hot out here today, ma'am. Maybe you'll let Coach Kliff buy you a frozen yogurt.
Oklahoma's getting the press here, but Rutgers has a long tradition of campus food trucks, having been profiled on the Food Network and -
Don't laugh, Maryland. James Franklin's Nittany Crab Shack opens next month.
Louisville's bringing a lot to the dining table in their entry to the ACC. A hip, young city on the rise, Louisville's exciting restaurant scene has been lauded by publications like Garden & Gun and Bon Appetit for its- [drowned out by engine roar]
[sigh] yeah they have that too
Anyone can give you unlimited snacks. When your program has a benefactor like T. Boone Pickens, though, they can take you to snacks without limits. Step inside this custom-converted eleMMent Palazzo Land Yacht for a carefully-curated menu of haute cuisine reinterpretations of all your college-student favorite foods.
Behold, The Process, a fully nutritious and efficient snacktime product! No time wasted chewing, savoring or enjoying! More time for game tape!
"Coach, I don't know if that's what our players wan-"
"Question me again and I will put your ass in a gulag, Kiffin."