We're two weeks away from actual football, and you're understandably excited. Blindside sacks, long completions on third down, fat guy touchdowns - there's a lot to look forward to. But there's something else that hasn't happened yet in the 2013 season, and we don't know when it will.
The Sad Field Goal. Sure, lots of field goals are lowercase s sad (hi, Iowa), but we're talking about something very specific here. Let's define the Sad Field Goal as follows:
a) An FBS team
b) down by 20 points or more
c) in the 4th quarter
d) makes a field goal.
The first Sad Field Goal is how you really know college football has arrived. Just look at these first Sad Field Goals of the year from previous seasons!
2003: Down 45-6 at home, Louisiana Tech sends out Josh Scobee to kick a 52 yarder with less than 9 minutes left in the game.
2004: With four minutes left and trailing Arizona State by 35, UTEP returns a kickoff 75 yards to the Sun Devil 11. Three plays later, they kick a field goal from the Sun Devil 15.
2005: UTEP's Revenge! The Miners lead New Mexico State 31-0 at the end of the third quarter, and Hal Mumme ends up sending the kicker out on the first Aggie possession of the fourth to cut that deficit to a totally respectable four touchdowns.
2006: Western Kentucky decides to take three points after falling behind 41-9 to Georgia with only three minutes left to play. (Joe Tereshinsky and Joe Cox threw passes in this game, so it's possible it never actually existed.)
2007: UAB manages to get the season's first AND second Sad Field Goals, the former cutting Michigan State's fourth quarter lead to 33, and the latter coming on the last play of the game to make the final score Spartans 55, Blazers 18.
2008: The Sad Field Goal is again born in East Lansing, this time as Eastern Michigan, down five scores, kicks a 24 yarder with a minute and a half left.
2009: Tulsa's up twenty on Tulane in the fourth when BOB TOLEDO BOB TOLEDO BOB TOLEDO.
2010: Tajh Boyd's first game ever plays host to the first Sad Field Goal of the year when North Texas kicker Trent Deans nails a 25 yard attempt with the Mean Green behind by three touchdowns.
2011: After Ronnie Daniels scores to put Texas Tech up 52 points with twelve minutes left, New Mexico twice sends out the field goal unit, because Mike Locksley wasn't ALL fight.
2012: Last year's first Sad Field Goal fittingly belongs to last year's Saddest Team - the Southern Miss Golden Eagles, who, when faced with a 25 point hole against Nebraska in the fourth quarter, elect to kick from the Husker 20.
You still with us? Come on, have some water. Breathe. You're okay. You're oooooooookay. The point is, you should be betting on this. Here are odds we're making up right now because no one can stop us on The First Sad Field Goal of 2013.
Akron (@ UCF) - 11:1
Hawaii (@ USC) - 4:1
Western Michigan (@ Michigan State) - 15:1
Buffalo (@ Ohio State) - 3:2
VALUE ALERT! Virginia Tech (vs. Alabama) - 9:1
Rice (@ Texas A&M) - 6:1
STAY AWAY! Virginia (vs. BYU) - 7:1
TROLL SPECIAL! Georgia (@ Clemson) - 80:1
Place your bets, people. The only way to make money is to gamble money.